jess kaliban

actor // proud supporter of the Oxford comma // floss enthusiast // freelance third wheel // strength coach @equinox

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

I entered the Twelfth Night: Free Shakespeare in the Park Lottery for free tickets on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: https://t.co/RGS1sCtoIE

[MrsFishVEVO @Will_Kellogg]

The show is called Cabaret. Stop trying to make Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club happen.

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

AND THE OLYMPICS AND THE NIGHTLY NEWS AND EVERYTHING ELSE

[The Culture Diet @theculturediet_]

THIS IS MY OFFICIAL PETITION FOR JOSH GAD AND ANDREW RANNELLS TO HOST THE 2025 TONY AWARDS. And all other award shows. Thank you and goodnight. #tonyawards

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

What kind of cruel prank does ConEd think they’re pulling having the same color boxy trucks as Mr. Softee?!?!

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

I’m being terrorized by some creepy teens banging on my door but I can’t fault them for thinking I’m just one of them with sick apartment access

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

I’ve been thinking about that common app question about what the worlds greatest invention is for 12 years now, and I know youve all been waiting with baited breath to hear my answer: the automatic timer thing for the coffee machine. No contest.

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

@emierickson My version of this was constantly shouting from the back seat, “mommy will you PLEASE stop singing?!” 😇

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

My Phoebe Bridgers sweatpants finally came in so it is literally over for all of you

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

No one ever told me how many peoples names I was going to need to memorize ughhhh

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

@SethRudetsky @JudyKuhn1 That’s so cool, thanks for sharing!!!

[Sentimental Men Podcast @sentmenpod]

excited for a whole new wave of people to learn how wicked ends.

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

Today I received an iPad and an original phantom of the opera T-shirt in the mail (separately) guess which one is cooler and glows in the dark

[Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp]

When someone is googling to fact check me and I know I’m right

[Emily Nussbaum @emilynussbaum]

Is there a blessing for the rat czar?

[MrsFishVEVO @Will_Kellogg]

I can fix him I think

[jess kaliban @jesskaliban]

@emierickson I told Rachel this on Wednesday and she didn’t believe me