jess 🪐

due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off.

[mac @MacDoesIt]

This is huge news btw

[𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐃 @swizardcore]

how i disappear from peoples lives after being the best temporary person they’ll ever meet

[Matt Van Swol @mattvanswol]

🚨#BREAKING: A 13-year-old girl is being praised as a hero after she defended her mom from an abusive man, slicing him in the face with a “samurai” sword in Tennessee.

The teenager was in her bedroom when she heard her mother screaming for help.

When she rushed out, she says her mother’s ex-boyfriend was choking her.

The young girl say she grabbed a decorative sword off the wall in an attempt to stop the attack.

Deputies report the ex-boyfriend lunged toward the teen and she swung the sword slicing his face so severely, he had to be airlifted to a hospital for treatment of his injuries.

The girl’s mother says she has always taught her daughter to protect herself and the people she loves.

WHAT A BADASS!!!!!!!!!!

[LN @abernothing]

there's good mac n cheese, there's bad mac n cheese, and then there's kraft mac n cheese which is simultaneously both and neither

[Jes @bloodstarvedjax]

I'm so fr you should be burned at the stake for saying this

[𝐟𝐰_𝐀𝐜𝐞 @Andy223312]

Smelling weed in public for me is like smelling the little baked pie on the windowsill in cartoons I can't lie

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

"Home Alone" was released in 1990 and they paid $122.50 for 10 pizzas. I just tried to order 10 pizzas just to see the cost. It's was $122.29... No inflation on large pizzas

[mitra @mitrajoy_]

having our first trillionaire before everyone has access to clean water is a failure of the human species

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

Back in my day you could go to Walmart at 2:00am and buy a shotgun and a live lobster

[໊ @user0000O0]

how it feels to find a new obsession that distracts me from my miserable life

[eliz @eliza___v]

You must complete the HR mandatory safety training"
Me:

[Wizard of Barge @wizardofbarge]

the only thing between you and your dreams is a LOT of failures, go fail baby !!

[𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝 @Be_like_legend]

My doctor saying “avoid stress” as if stress is a neighborhood I can stop driving through.

[Tulkas🧉🦖 @oTulkas]

A estratégia dos fdp é a mesma a 30 mil anos.

[Monty || Cowboiヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉ ֺ @_cowboi]

Life tips
- don’t be neurodivergent
- don’t be poor
- don’t get in any sort of situation