Jewel

[Jewel @jew___k]

@SydneyBattle Clown museum. Plainview, Nebraska

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

By the time you’re in your late 20’s you should have:

1. An air fryer
2. A Caffeine dependency
3. An SSRI
4. Reverted back to everything you loved aged 13-17 as a coping mechanism

[Jewel @jew___k]

The most relaxing place on earth is alone in your car, in the car wash, with a latte.

[Jewel @jew___k]

@Mattcutshall Apparently lying is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

[Jewel @jew___k]

You'd think with the technology we have today, we could create self-tanner that doesn't smell like 2005

[Jewel @jew___k]

@Mac_D_Dad @vinn_ayy It's the beady eyes 😂

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

At this point getting a wedding invitation is just getting a bill. I open it up like “alright that’s $800. Better cancel Disney plus”

[Jewel @jew___k]

@javislips Even better... Our local Catholic church is selling raffle tickets for a semi-automatic AR rifle 🙃

[Jewel @jew___k]

@VancityReynolds @Mintmobile why do you hate Nebraska 🥺😩

[Jewel @jew___k]

@Pollitski I've already called. Repeatedly.

[Jewel @jew___k]

A slice of American cheese folded inside half a tortilla, microwaved for 10 seconds. Follow me for more gourmet kids recipes

[Jewel @jew___k]

Parenting is eating poptarts in the pantry with the door closed and light off so you don't have to share.

[Jewel @jew___k]

Grateful for my second Moderna dose today! 💪

[Jewel @jew___k]

@pattonoswalt Gloreeous

[vspink @VSPINK]

This could be you: 😌🛀🧼🧴🧖‍♀️

Follow us and RT this. We're in the mood to gift some PINK Beauty on this #SelfCareSunday!

[Jewel @jew___k]

@HistoryInPics I feel like @KarenKilgariff would appreciate this

[Jewel @jew___k]

@JamieGoldfuss Yesssss!!

[Jewel @jew___k]

Me: I need a break from my baby. I'll put him down for a nap.

Also me: *looks at photos of my baby the entire time he's napping*

[Jewel @jew___k]

Never met a baby who loved to watch @CatfishMTV and @NevSchulman more! #lazysunday

[Jewel @jew___k]

@hazy_jay A beautiful love story