Jick Johnson

welcome to my mind palace ☯️

[Blake ™ @NeilNevins]

(Austin Powers game tutorial level)

Austin: Wait a tick. When’s the last time I opened my shag bag?

Basil: Good thinking, Austin! Why not press ⭕️ and check your inventory?

Austin: I do pride myself in pressing the right buttons, don’t I? YEAH, BABY.

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

It's true but you basically just have to get lucky in finding such a person https://t.co/sIEdgBfgT4

[very strange girl @oddcrittergirl]

You can still experience teenage love in your 20s btw, if you find another inexperienced person in their 20s who still has that same sense of fun, innocence, and whimsy in their heart.

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

Chud is one of those words treated like an instant funny button and is ludicrously overused https://t.co/eQfCeZ7WoB

[Nico @NicoOkapi]

Can't get over my hinge dates cat. This is the most chud animal ive ever seen

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

“Bro, you done knocked my ass up. I’m bregnant with your child. I’m aborting it though lol”
“Lol”
THE END

[diya 🎸⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ @kyuaheaven]

why are so many mpreg fics so aggressively pro-life oh my god

[Mitya @Discollaborator]

The "invisible" hand of the free market isn't invisible to me at all. It wears a big white glove, shoots lasers from its fingertips, and occasionally swoops in for a powerful grab attack. It's honestly all a bit much.

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

This cat has more worth than every footballer and football fan who has ever lived

[B/R Football @brfootball]

A cat snuck into Beşiktaş Stadium ahead of the Europa League final 🐱

[august @regularaugust]

After there’s more data centers than people, they’re just gonna be building these in every neighborhood

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

Writing a fantasy novel where nothing is changed except days are 29 hours long

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

It's basically just a class thing (except Mormons I guess). Those are lower/lower-middle class white names https://t.co/EmgzX5hegi

[Crats @Cratscadle]

Has anyone done any serious research on how all the secular lib parents are naming their kids Gideon and Celeste and all the God-fearing red-blooded Americans are giving their kids avant-garde dog names

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

morning https://t.co/tbug9Q3nAW

[괴물왕 @02trollking]

한중일별 도술사하면 떠오르는 이미지 그려봤어요

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

I feel like the whole watching porn thing is easily resolvable in a relationship with one conversation. Not sure why it requires days of discusssion

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

Every conservative tweet about the Dunkin’s expansion is just about how they need to only hire white teenagers but I don’t think racist boomers truly care about who hands them their leafslop

[Ian Prittie 🇨🇦 🇺🇸 🇷🇺 @thereds8]

I have a feeling the ‘opportunity’ Dunkin sees in Canada is to hire Canadians.

They will have seen all the complaints about Tim’s online.

We’ll know soon enough.

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

Ties into my theory that 90% of relationship discourse is completely made up

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

Why does taking out the trash seem to inspire so much marital discord. Doesn’t seem hard

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

How fucked up was that neighbourhood damn

[Rolling Stone @RollingStone]

“Did my grandfather molest Jeffrey Epstein, as it seems he did many of the other kids in the neighborhood?”

Read Gabrielle Glancy’s story about growing up in Sea Gate, Brooklyn, in the ‘60s: https://t.co/Z5iFY2MOfo

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

At first I thought she was about to end it all by deep frying herself

[Green ??????? @Eversdumb]

Forgot where I got this image but yeah

[Jick Johnson @jickjohnson]

I feel like I've lost track at this point of the number of European guys who got an adult circumcision to pretend to be Muslim to enter Mecca