jilted jane

🇨🇦🇬🇧 Ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And a hell of a good cook. Spend most of my time translating from British to American.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Required: Master's Degree (in fucking what?) for a $15/hr not-even-near-full-time job throwing random shitty clothes in a box for short girls.
I just... 🫥 How does @shortstorybox even have a single employee with those asks? Mind blowing.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

People who say "heightH"... please slap yourselves. And repeat.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Oh thank god it's noon I get to eat now. Some days fasting is rough. I lost 10lbs but then... just plateaued. 😭 25 more pounds to go.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Shiiiiiiiit, kinda wish I knew chess

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Morning dog walk thought: "The reason I can't get anywhere in life is because I'm a jack of all trades... mediocre at everything. No, wait... I'm a "jack shit" of all trades... shit at everything."

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

@exmachinadesu Your new formal dining room wall decor, your guests will be enchanted.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Let me be the first to say...
FAAAAAAAAAAACKIN' HIDEOUS! Please stop.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

@exmachinadesu 🤭😅

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

MY GOD I never would have recognized them, thank you.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

My dog sniffed something in the grass this morning and then did this for a ridiculously long time

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

I thought this Tasmanian devil of an Aussie could never stop being totally insane bouncing off the walls, but I found out that when you're crying your eyes out, he turns into a soft boi, very quiet and concerned, and gets in your lap to be calm and comfort you. 🥺🥹

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

I had a dream that Johnny Depp was acting all confused and fucked up like Gary Busey, and he wanted to go on Dancing with the Stars

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Mr. "Thinks he's a cunning manipulator" told me I should take photos in a dress with sneakers, and then --oh wait-- a dress and NYLONS and sneakers, told me to do a foot job on a banana and then said, "I've given you SO many new ideas today" as if I owe him free content. Jesus.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

This one guy thinks he is soooo cunning and manipulative, always saying things like "I know one day you're just going to unlock your entire library of content for me" and "I just know you're brewing up a free birthday video to send me" 🙄 As iffffffffffff

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

Dude just bought me bondage tape to tape a sneaker to my face for huffing. How did I get here

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

He hyperfixates on one singular subject to a dizzying degree and knows probably more than anyone on the planet. He struggles to make eye contact and conversation. His smile is so forced and fake, you can just tell he's mimicking what he thinks a smile should look like.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

I realized that one of my subs is autistic really early on, and he's done nothing but provide more evidence in support of this over the last month. Should I tell him? He doesn't know he's autistic.

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

I know I'm not an authority on the subject, but he didn't speak a word until he was 4 and thinks it's because he has a bilingual family. When he did start speaking, he would memorize endless facts, so his family said "oh he's fine, he's brilliant. Phew."

[jilted jane @jiltedjane]

I've got this ØF sub who keeps sending me messages telling me good morning, then updates during the day such as when he's taken a nap, and when he's "arrived home safely"-- I ignore these, but he never stops. 😅