Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻

Parody. Not the real Tom Herman - my skin is thicker. Pressure occurs when you're unprepared. Diva. Cheater.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Those Houston players are like sons to me and I'll always love them like a father who's 8 years behind in child support payments.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Who do I honestly have to blow to get a head coach gig?

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@Rossmac212 Michelle honestly enjoyed her pottery workshop.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@BrennonChapman That honestly reminds me of the Houston fans’ reaction when they saw me on the field at the West Virginia game.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@belletjh @UHCougarFB It was honestly just one person watching my back and I only needed one additional credential for him.

My boy @coog57 is still pissed that I forgot to flush after taking a massive dump in his red throne room after dinner at the Ragin' Cajun.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@Joseph_Duarte @HoustonChron I honestly took time away from my daily routine of counting my money in Boca Raton.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@Joseph_Duarte @HoustonChron That’s honestly how I feel right now.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

It was honestly great seeing my Peach Bowl team. I felt like a father seeing his kid on his wedding day for the first time in 9 years after I walked out on the family for a sexy AF blonde that dumped me 4 years later.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

I honestly considered going by Goodwill to buy back one of the UH shirts I donated, but I doubt they’d have any of it left after 9 years.

So I wore a plain black shirt in honor of my coaching career.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

It’s honestly a fun day back home at UH. I’ve lost count of how many fans that have told me I’m #1.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Good morning my fellow Coogs!

I will be on campus early visiting tailgates so that my adoring fans can kiss my Peach Bowl championship ring!

I honestly can't wait to see y'all!

#ForTheHerman

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@CSOonX I'm honestly looking for an AD that'll say F it and hire me.

#OpenToWork

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Working on a Cajun accent just in case.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

I can honestly do both the AD and head coach job at LSU. I'm sure that I can strike a deal with @LAGovJeffLandry.

I promise to not use LSU to get a monster deal from Texas because I napalmed the hell out of that bridge 9 years ago.

Do your magic @JimmySexton9

#OpenToWork

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

I honestly can't wait to see my indoor practice facility Saturday. I insisted on UH building it because I wanted to block the downtown view and piss off club season ticket holders.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@JiveKevinSumlin I honestly think that’s a great idea. I’ll be your designated driver. You don’t need another DUI.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@MikeBrem @JohnnyDangandCo Hey Mike, I was honestly surprised when @ChastangFord hung up on me when I called about borrowing an Explorer this weekend.

Can I borrow yours? You know that cars drive better after I've driven them, right?

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Hey @MikeBrem, I left my UH grill in the Explorer when I ditched it at the airport. Honestly thought I'd never need it again.

Can you bring it to the game Saturday? I'd like to wear it for old times sake.

Please soak it in a cup of hydrogen peroxide if you've been wearing it.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@MikeBrem Hey @JohnnyDangandCo, I need a rush order for a replacement UH grill. I'd have you modify my UT grill, but it honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

Just placed a massive @ChapStick order with Amazon.

The #KissingBandit returns home to TDECU Stadium Saturday!

#ForTheHerman

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@ShehanJeyarajah @OsoMediaGroup @dfank_BU @pbpope @CBSSportsCFB @247Sports @BaylorBears247 @bmarcello @chris_hummer I'm honestly interested in the Baylor job.

Mack, give me a call, mmm'kay.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@JBWells_sicem I’m honestly interested in the Baylor job.

[Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻 @JiveTomHerman]

@LukeStonewaker @DavidSmoak Baylor is honestly looking really good to me right now.

Gonna give Mack a call on his burner.