Jacob

Best drummer west of the Mississippi

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

My ex would call me her passenger princess whenever she drove, but she was a bad driver so the princess I felt like was Diana

[Bodie @bodie9210472856]

The cancerous lung killing weed carts class action settlement will be my 401k

[100 @yh_me2]

come over. I promise my philosophy makes more sense in person

[universal one love jim @importancatpete]

It’s over for me in some regards but that just frees me up to do other things

[Buck @Buck36043Buck]

I only want a Spouse for things like Folding a Fitted Sheet or Murder Suicide

[gunnar @GunnzMetzger]

bitch if u need a 2nd opinion just ask me twice

[zac @vomit_induction]

oh, the eagle is eating my liver again today

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

i would bust my bitmoji’s skull open with a garden rock

[ɳყαɦ! @JINKIESBTCH]

and to my grandkids i leave 64 playlists i curated based on a specific feeling or experience

[貧乳 @deskdeskdeskde]

friend explained his scale for rating movies

[dopamine @dopamine273]

ive taken the last 3 girls on dates to the exact same places and done the exact same things and im going to keep doing it

[gold star for robot boy @chasedbywasps]

I wouldn't know if the stripper loves me I've never been to a strip club. I mostly go to Jersey Mike's and Lowe's

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

parents' phones make notification sounds I've never heard in my life

[Ienka @ankyhaidy]

you’re my friend and to some extent my wife

[charlie g - making boxtown🕵️‍♀️ @charliepgavin]

Is the guy who created rabbids pissed off about the minions or what

[Andrew Guttenberg @guttenbirder22]

Get your four thirstiest friends and go to @Lowes right away

[gold star for robot boy @chasedbywasps]

sometimes a whole month goes by

[Mariè @p8stie]

Girl with a prosthetic leg and cut marks feeding her boyfriend corn on Coney Island on America’s 250th birthday

[charlie @StyledApe]

It sucks that a womanizer is what you call a man that charms women and not what you call the new weapon I invented

[uke creature🇵🇸🚩 @UkeCreature]

when you slip a little in the shower and you know you died in your original reality but the quantum immortality kicked in so it's chill