Jon

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[Jon @jjameshook]

@booze_lightyear AE jeans are the best fucking jeans I've ever had and I'm never going back

[Jon @jjameshook]

Technology vs. Tradition: by my roommate

[Jon @jjameshook]

@booze_lightyear Limetown

[Jon @jjameshook]

Snapchat: *_____* is typing

Me: wait, don't seem desperate, wait boi

Snapchat: message from *______*

Me (five milliseconds later): open that fuCKING SHIT RN

[Jon @jjameshook]

Being a bartender has turned me into a walking ATM machine for my friends

[Jon @jjameshook]

We've all been there amirite

[Jon @jjameshook]

@katieziebellxo It was two years ago Katie, let it go

[Jon @jjameshook]

Chris visits Houghton for ONE weekend night, and my friend get jumped, my other friend has his 21st and gives me a bloody nose, and a brawl happens outside the bar my friend got jumped at. Nice to see you Chris

[Jon @jjameshook]

Cold tap water after a night of drinking just hits different

[Jon @jjameshook]

Everytime I answer a phone call from my mom when I'm in bed

"Hey, what's up"
"You sound like you're in bed"

HOW DOES SHE KNOW

[Jon @jjameshook]

@miss_trending I frequently think about the time we were in Rome and Gayle poured Sarah like an inch of wine, and Sarah was like ahem for real

[Jon @jjameshook]

Sometimes I'm worried I have a poor relationship with my brother, but then I remember how the Mountain literally pushed his little brother's face into a fire, and I feel comforted that it could be worse

[Jon @jjameshook]

My friend to the group chat: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BUG IS THIS

[Jon @jjameshook]

Mfs really be like "I'm on a no-carb diet" then order a fucking bacon cheeseburger and eat that shit bunless

[Jon @jjameshook]

My dog (looking for attention): ARROOOWO

Me: *makes kissy noises*

Dog: *comes up to me, licks my face lovingly, pauses, jumps away* ARROWOWO

Me: I KNEW IT. Timber, you have trust issues. Admit it

[Jon @jjameshook]

Hi my name's Jon and I have a food spending problem I went to Walmart with plans to buy $50 of food and left with a bill of $140 where $60 of it WAS BEER PLZ HELP ME

[Jon @jjameshook]

Why does every Imagine Dragons song make me feel like I'm living in a teen dystopian novel

[Trill Clinton @TrillClinton911]

Me: Hey

Me after finding out the yooper accent was ranked the 14th sexiest in America: Oh hey der I was just about to pick up some pasties and head to deer camp but I can’t find my Kromer there eh

[Jon @jjameshook]

I have a theory that 95% of people who have watched Coco either teared up or cried during the movie