Jacob Goldstein

Crunchwrap Supreme and Riley Green Fanatic // 2023 BGRA Home Run Derby Champion // 2019 Meridian Spelling Bee Champion // Certified Ball Knower

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Despite my last tweet, I am of course proud to be a fan of the greatest country to ever grace our planet. Unfortunately with that title comes great disappointment in underwhelming times like these #usmnt #worldcup #usa

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Underperforming generation. Talent with no fight. Never show up in the big moments. #usmnt #WorldCup

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

From now on VAR should only be able to review fouls in full speed. Still images and slo mo make every tackle look 10x worse #fifa #corrupt

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Zipper pockets are a transformative piece of technology in our society #innovation

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

It’s a bad day to be a sample at Costco #imhungry

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Is there ever a circumstance as a man where it is appropriate to take two trips for something? If so, let me know #pondering

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Currently making my shopping debut and I am amazed by the concept. Grab clothes. Try them on. Buy them. Simple but effective. Although I did just take off my shirt to try on a pair of shorts #rookiemistakes

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Love how all these Europeans love to slander America online and then come here and post about our amazing people and culture. Wonder what they will say when our boys shock the world #usmnt #worldcup

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

BAHAHAHHAA AT LEAST THE PACKERS PLAY IN THEIR OWN STATE #bears

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Really looking forward to bodies of water this summer:
1. Pools
2. Lakes
3. Ponds
4. Hot tubs
5. Any other body of water that isn’t located on a par 3
#H2O

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Just had a stranger tell me the moon doesn’t belong to America. Last time I checked the moon is our soil #americanmade #territory

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Nothing better as a man than a productive ass Saturday #fortheboys

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

The gym, the boys, and your grandma: the only 3 things in life that always gonna be there #tripleentente

[J. Mangual @MLBShotsFired]

Inflation is completely out of control, you can’t even take 3 kids to a Detroit Tigers game anymore without spending an arm and a leg! Crazy!

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

When I grow up I’d like to conduct a study on how the amount of blue Powerade one drinks before a little league baseball game impacts home runs hit. I swear that blue gives you superpowers. #science

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

A protected left turn will always be there to protect you unlike anyone else can #itsinthename

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

If Ayo averaging almost a double double in Minnesota isn’t the perfect example of why Billy needs to be fired I’m not sure what is #tellmeimwrong

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

One of the worst heartbreaks a man can experience is falling asleep on the plane only to wake up to the guy next to you sipping on his drink with an empty biscoff wrapper #savesomeforme

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

On this very Sunday I’ve never been more grateful to have been born south of the 49th parallel #landofthefree

[Jacob Goldstein @jjgoldstein_]

Put me in the history books for a guy that knows how to have a Friday #vet