John Kelso

Humor columnist at the American-Statesman.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

‘Ugliest Man’ In Uganda Welcomes His Eighth Child Into The World... With His Second Wife! https://t.co/7VxkphyWR7

[John Kelso @jkelso]

@bearbigears I thought it was the vibes coming off the Dr. Pepper Museum.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

I thought it might be the vibes from the Dr Pepper Museum.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Why is Waco such a magnet for mayhem? First the Davidians, then Billy Joe Shaver shooting a guy in the face, now the Bandidos.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

When I ran for President of the U.S. I had some creative backers. This UT guy with the unique "shirt" was one of'em.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Book alert: Confessions of a Professional Smart-ass, my autobiography, is still available at http://t.co/EbIFinm7Hv or out of my garage.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Grab a copy and see if you're in it. If you live in Austin, you might see your name inside. http://t.co/EbIFinm7Hv

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Before it started, I figured UConn would win the NCAA tourney. Would I have had the guts to pick them if I'd filled out a bracket? Unlikely.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

If you're looking for my new book, Confessions of a Professional Smart-ass, you can find it at http://t.co/ziOIk8iocn. I need the money.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Folks, I now have a web site for my new book, Confessions of a Professional Smart-ass. http://t.co/EbIFin3Ytn. Have at it.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Did Putin get those gigantic onion dome blowups displayed in the Olympics opening ceremony at Wal-Mart? Looked like Christmas in Bubbaland.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Thought I had a novel idea for a new reality TV show. Then I discovered Saturday Night Live has already done a Dork Dynasty skit. Rats.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Recently visited the Museum of History in Granite and Official Center of the Earth near Yuma, Arizona. Some people have all the luck.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Kelso: Luling barbecue, a humble entrant among the world’s best http://t.co/x2zYMry1

[John Kelso @jkelso]

I'm just glad I didn't lay an egg. Thanks for the kind words.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

This was in response to Sue Owens saying she took me to an Aggie Bonfire.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

I was all fired up, too.

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Don't touch my Social Security, or I'll smack you http://t.co/Y9nNpXF2 via @statesman

[John Kelso @jkelso]

Yo! I earned the "I Lead" award playing #QRANK #dailyaddiction! http://t.co/baUlVS8

[John Kelso @jkelso]

My new retirement hobby: watching my savings yo-yo http://t.co/y5MXyNa via @statesman