@wnyakera Don't forget that it was very impossible for UDA to win Mbeere and Malava.
So don't reason that way, otherwise mtajipata mkisongesha hopes zenu Hadi 2032 tena
His name is Money Bior, the only politician in Kaspul who campaigns with a menu instead of a manifesto. For weeks, he has been feeding voters like they are guests in a cooking show. The villagers enjoyed a three course meal from chefs imported from a Nairobi 5-star hotel, food was so hot and delicious that even the village mutinas lined up with voter IDs.
And for those who preferred liquid development, mheshimiwa opened a whole bar on his bill. People were drinking like they were trying to irrigate their intestines. For those men whose wives have been rationing the food that faces the earth at home, mhesh went out of his way & brought yellow yellow damsels from Homabay town.
These ladies came glowing like a new WiFi routers, distributing full network to the hungry men. All this at the small price of a vote. Then voting day arrived. Mheshimiwa’s team decided to motivate citizens with Ksh 1,000,,, money that disappeared faster than promises in a manifesto.
The plan was simple, feed them, water them, tempt them, pay them,,, then win by a landslide. When results came in, mheshimiwa saw dust, smoke, fog and heartbreak all combined.
He didn’t even come third,, he came a distant fourth, collecting a humble 526 votes, including the ones from his chefs, his bouncers, and maybe two Homabay damsels out of pity. The humiliation embraced him like a wet bedsheet.
Out of pure anger and the need to teach these professional money eaters a lesson,,, mhesh called for a Thanksgiving ceremony at his mansion. People arrived smiling, expecting chicken, pilau, and maybe round two of coastal ladies.
But immediately they stepped in, the bouncer closed the gate with the confidence of Gachagua, then started distributing blows of national importance. The beating was thorough, some received uppercuts that reset their M-Pesa PINs, others got “flying kick ndira” that deconstructed their dental formula.
As we speak, several victims are in Kaspul District Hospital sipping glucose water through their veins like Jaba juice. The bouncers truly gave them a free deep tissue massage, the kind that rearranges your organs alphabetically.
Let this be a warning to those who enjoy free money from waheshimiwa,,, one day, after eating their money, they may serve you a beating that will fast-track your journey to Sayuni without a return ticket. Chesaa!!
@NahashonKimemia Anything Gachagua, luos won't buy. I mean as long as Gachagua is the spokesperson in united Opposition, I tell you for free: luos won't buy it!
@MachariaNjeru Don't lie!
Entitlement will bring kikuyus down. So you didn't vote for Raila, or even if you did, you knew very well Karua would take over the soonest
@Safaricom_Care safaricom, I bought an All-in-One monthly bundle for 1k on 7/10/2025.
I don't make a lot of calls, but how my 400 minutes got depleted in under 2 weeks is still a mystery.
I don't believe used up this minutes, my number 0720090115
@imbankke@KiptooK08288536 Seems it may not be reliable to keep money in account, coz when you want to withdraw and pay some bills, the App is not working...kuchoka nayo