Empress_Jl

I was told I talk out loud to myself, too much, so I decided to make a Twitter 🌚🤷🏾‍♀️

[autist @litteralyme0]

Growing up hearing “Wikipedia isn't a valid source” and then entering a workplace where people say “just ask ChatGPT” is a surprisingly strange timeline

[Ashlyn #mypodcastcoming @ashlynknwsbest]

They ain't say a peep

[𝔾𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕥. 🇧🇷 @paigezxmbie]

Them a do them best to get me to pay for premium but them nuh know seh me used to inconvenience and hard life here

[🍃 @cardamomkiss]

I was looking at Erling Haaland's Wikipedia page and he has a world record for standing long jump as a five year old for 5'4". A kindergartener jumping as far as I am tall! Terrifying little Viking child

[No filter Skin @NoFilterSkin]

Your daughter just got her first period.
Do not tell her she is a woman now.
Tell her what estrogen does.
Tell her what progesterone does.
Tell her her cycle has four phases and each one will feel different.
Give her information. Not a new identity.

[🫪. @vodkabissap1]

j’me suis faite virer de mcdo pcq quand les clients avaient pas de compte fidélité je mettais le miens, quand ça m’a remonté ça en parlais comme si j’avais financé Al-Qaïda

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Why don’t we pronounce the “meow” in homeowner?

[miya @miyarah_]

cuando estoy menstruando y siento ese calambre en el culo

[watergun @tersseer]

raising your phone to listen to a voice note then it auto pause is peak rage bait 😭

[🌸 @qershi_]

told my 4 year old he can’t have ice cream cake after dinner if he doesn’t EAT his dinner and he came up to me immediately and said “can you give me a hug so I don’t cry?” and when I bent down for a hug he whispered “don’t ever say that to me ever again”

[Path of Men @PathOfMen_]

You're supposed to use every unfair advantage you have. Looks, genetics, connections, dad's money, whatever.

There's nothing noble about choosing the hardest path just to feel like an underdog.

[Cati @CatianaSaillant]

The discourse around Rihanna openly loving Rocky is crazy af. She literally has three kids with that man and they’re in a relationship. Y’all are stupid.

[Arlo White @arlowhite]

I suspect either a tray table was down, or one of the window blinds was still half open.

[COOLEE BRAVO @ItalianFiesta]

I was a murder suspect cuz detectives noticed 7 ppl I argued wit on here died & da last one was da worst coincidence of all time cuz he got killed in da same spot I was in 8 hours after we argued on here. I was like why would I shoot up a place wit my name on da flyer.

[Bluu 🐝 @arwenbluu]

No entiendo cómo puede ser. Vi a Michael Jackson morir, a Maradona morir, a Pelé morir, a la reina Isabel morir; vi pasar a tres papas. Sobreviví a una pandemia, vi el comienzo de internet. Vi el CD cambiar a Spotify, vi cambiar el DVD a Netflix, vi pasar del teléfono fijo a un iPhone. Y estoy viendo el surgimiento de la IA. Y solo tengo 30 años.

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

The best thing about the 30p plastic bag charge is that the cupboard next to my sink is now worth £672,348

[Dashy™️🦥 @Dashytwo]

He run like those weird kids in school going to lunch

[trevor @trevorngl]

Me at 3am wondering how people even started translating languages if they didn't understand each other