Jessica Shofner

Just figuring out this thing called life, one day at a time.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Me - we need to catch fireflies Kristin - can you buy those at a pet store? My roommate ladies & gentlemen. #no #primadonna @MullenKristin

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

@MullenKristin you have real nice teeth though

[Kristin Mullen @MullenKristin]

When you're roommate tells you... "It can only go up from here, I mean you're at rock bottom".... @jlshofner

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Wanna know how to keep @MullenKristin from freakin about storms @meaghan_cody? Buy her burgers, pour her wine and put on #Beyonce. Boom.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Dear @ACMawards please stop showing random drunk girls who don't know the lyrics bouncing around. I see that every Saturday night. K thanks

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Count me out, Thursday. I'm done. #overitalready

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Life would be so much easier if there weren't idiotic drivers in the world or people who go the speed limit. If you don't go 80, get out

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

@valeriegibson I like those odds

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Said it before, I'll say it again. I just love @WholeFoods. Everyone is so friendly and helpful and I always come out in a better mood.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Well Forrest Gump just came on tv...so all my plans for tonight came to a screeching halt. #wildfridaynight

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

I poured mouthwash on my hands thinking it was soap. So...I got that minty thing goin for me. #freshhands #labelthatshit #blamethewine

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

@meaghan_cody come over next time. We can sob together #thatwasaprewarning

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

I'm getting off social media until people stop going to the mountains/beach, getting engaged & having babies. Facebook me when it happens.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Ice cream for dinner. Because it's Summer and I can.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

ATX - 1 Jessica - negative one.

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

You know what doesn't taste good? Burnt kale chips. You know what smells even worse? Burnt kale chips. #beinghealthyblows #kalefail

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

Had to be told by a random man that my dress had fallen and my bra was hanging out. I think it's time to call it a day. #sundayfunday

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

You would think at an Earth Day event people would be considerate and not smoke their nasty pollution filled cancer sticks. But no. They are

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

The Groom's side is from Highland Park. The Bride's side is from Germany and doesn't speak English. Makes for a super preppy, drinking crowd

[Jessica Shofner @jlshofner]

@ShofDaddy Happy Sibling Day! Love you lots!