João Mário

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. - Henry David Thoreau

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Portugal: * is bored *

India: Ayo, we got some spice dawg

Portugal:

[João Mário @joao16mario]

my driving instructor: * explicitly displays heartfelt emotions for Salazar and proposes the expulsion of ethic minorities, out of the country, in a lengthy, profoundly nationalist speech *

me: * just trying to figure out who goes first at an intersection *

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Concept of being played - Whenever you spot an apparently crunchy leaf on the ground and it winds up not being crunchy at all.

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Masculino de teta be like:

[João Mário @joao16mario]

The telecommunications and media company Zon spelled backwards is Noz, so following that logic we are all getting our wi fi, television and mobile data services from a *nut*

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Judge: I hereby sentence you to twenty years to prison.

Ren McCormack: Why ?

Judge: Well, for blatantly cutting off the foot of a unknown gentleman, sexually assaulting Miss Marie and glaringly threatening Mr. Jack to, and i quote, "get back before we crack" .

Ren McCormack:

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Scientist that has just brought life into Frankenstein:

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Me: * shooting my shot * Então, hummmmm, queres sair comigo ?

Girl i am trying to ask out: Ahhhhhhh não, desculpa ...

Anão sitting next to us: Desculpa porquê ?

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Weather and the Universe: * engender a friendly and propitious environment to the perpetuation of grayish, cataclysmic fog *

D. Sebastião:

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Mozzarella and Gorgonzola Gang: * absolutely wreck and obliterate national monuments, completely rip the souls out of three citizens and lead the path to a double suicide *

Me: Cheesus !

[𝒩𝒾𝒾. @niiftnutella]

Não é obrigatório mostrar as mamas ou o rabo nas fotos do Twitter

[𝒩𝒾𝒾. @niiftnutella]

Então.... os maridos da Alyson (Lily), da Cobie (Robin) e do Neil (Barney) aparecem todos em himym..... eu juro que estou sem palavras....
Credits to João

[João Mário @joao16mario]

Dói-me bué as mãos tipo, mais alguém ? #possiblyrelatable

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@niiftnutella you just read my thoughts, eu estava mesmo agora a passar pelo mesmo Inês whew, isnt the world crazy ?

[𝒩𝒾𝒾. @niiftnutella]

Só vim para Inglaterra para ter amigos com iPhones 8 plus

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@marialrodxx @niiftnutella hey, i got some ideas for both of you :

1st : Fuck the fuck off

2nd : Stop butting in my sexual life and choice

3rd : Find me a cute boi #whoneedsDaniela

4th : Is it an honor

5th : FUCK OFF !!

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@niiftnutella @marialrodxx well there's no point in doing that now is it xD ? You've already fucked everything up now so xD

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@niiftnutella @marialrodxx u just tarniched my non-existing reputation. thank you . MY FIRST TWEETS IN THIS SHIT HAD TO BE A RESPONSE FOR IF WHETHER I HAD CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET OR NOT.

FUCKING . AMAZING

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@niiftnutella @marialrodxx seriously, i was the first person that popped on ur head when u read that thing, REALLY XD ? i'm not answering

( little did she know that I had cane out of the wardrobe years ago )

[João Mário @joao16mario]

@niiftnutella @marialrodxx OH MY GOD . FUCK OFF XD