jody carroll

stand-up comedy, joke writer, funny tweets

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

@ElonMuskAOC come to mama!!

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in Wenatchee:
“we bought some baby chicks”
just in time for Easter. Easter eggs!
“no just in time for cinco de mayo,
chicken fajitas”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in Wenatchee:
“we bought some baby chicks”
for free eggs?
“oh, good idea. dang should’ve thought of that before we made chicken nuggets.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard on alaska airlines:
“i’m enjoying this flight so much. let’s make it seem longer by watching with love megan.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

right girls? we’re crazy about picking names.
invent something else we can pick out a name for, maybe we’ll stop wanting more kids and puppies.

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in wenatchee:

i can’t lift a table by myself.

unless no one is around, and i just
masterminded a new furniture lay-out.
then i can lift a table, shove a couch down the hall, move a TV, and carry a bed up stairs all by myself.

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in South Dakota:
“you in town to see Mt. Rushmore?”

“nah we come here for the luxury hotels, restaurants, and night life.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in enumclaw:
me:
“the dog snuggles up as close as she can to me, not you, when she sleeps with us.”

my husband:
“i think she’s trying to push you off.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in enumclaw:
it’s not as glitzy and glamorous here as you think.
we’re just like everybody else. we put our jorts on one leg at a time.

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in enumclaw:

“i can’t afford a life coach. so i hired a water boy”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard shopping in north idaho:
“do you have any crop tops?”
yes. 2 options. you croppin’ taters or sugar beets?

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in wenatchee at Christmas:
“my precious new 9 month old grandbaby is just like me… more excited about the paper than the gift”
the wrapping paper?
“no, the paper receipts. we like to make returns”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in Leavenworth before Christmas:
“every year we get droves of tourists in our charming, snowy, village of lights during Christmas”
so should we have ice skating or carolers and keep the stores and restaurants open for everyone?
“no”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard on Christmas:
“Wicked is a wonderful holiday movie for your family”
because of the message of love and kindness?
“no. because it’s long. just dropped them off and now I have 3 hours to myself.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in Leavenworth on Christmas eve:
“it’s like a real live Bavarian village. makes me want a schnitzel real bad.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in wenatchee during the holidays:
“re-gifting in a small town is an extreme sport.
if you don’t have wrapping and acting skills, it’s too risky.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in Vegas:
“every single person here has overdosed.”
in food? drinks? gambling?
“no. cologne.”

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in las vegas on thanksgiving:
“did you gamble on thanksgiving day?”
yes we ate Gramma’s sweet potatoes.

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in enumclaw after a windstorm:
“how many days were you without power?”
too many to count. i’m married.

[jody carroll @jodyccomedy]

overheard in enumclaw during a windstorm:
“if a tree falls in the road and no one is around to hear my chainsaw, can i load it in my F-150 and use it for firewood?”