Joe Raines

Comedian, college football enthusiast, and lover of fine candies

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Republicans are so fucking gross. Ronald Reagan had full blown Alzheimers for his whole ass second term and they prop him up as the greatest. Buncha loons

[POLITICO @politico]

Comer calls Biden's physician, former aides sit for interviews https://t.co/ErJ0hU1DtN

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

I was on the World Trade Center tower 1.5 months before they fell. I was at the Boston cheers two weeks before George Wendt died. What I’m saying is my powers are growing stronger and if you have an enemy or a least liked piece of architecture I could be convinced to travel there

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

@kwgn01 @Mollyploofkins A monster energy drink personified cosplaying as what they think a real man looks like. A grown child projecting his inadequacies onto people he feels are inferior or are getting over simply because they aren’t suffering enough to his liking. You know a pos looking for a fight.

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Oh cool it’s the end of what limited freedom we had in this country. Can’t wait to see how they transition this to no due process for anyone. What an absolute dogshit fascist regime. Hope all you bootlickers enjoy prison when it’s your turn to be disappeared

[ABC News @ABC]

NEW: Stephen Miller said the Trump administration was "actively considering" suspending habeas corpus — a person's right to challenge the legality of their arrest or detention — as part of the administration's crack down on illegal immigration. https://t.co/mrL7Jx0d4h

[Chris Estrada: Nov 6-7 Salt Lake City, UT @ChrisEstrada85]

I wonder if the children of ICE Agents tell their friends that their parent is in jail for jerking off in public because that's less embarrassing than telling them that their parent is an ICE Agent.

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

When people ask me if my roommate is gay I always say, “he’s tropical”

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

I’m the only one at home rn so I’m pooping with all the doors open as is my right

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

If they make it where you can’t buy soda with gov assistance Trump is gonna lose the south aka the soda belt. Think of all the Mountain Dew rotting on the shelves. I wonder if the corn lobbyists r getting ready to fight that. High fructose corn syrup lobbyists going door 2 door

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

already

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Dear @Apple WATERPROOF AIRPODS already. Get it together already and make a dream come true

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

@ShamsCharania @AdamSchefter Knecht, miller, and ball is gonna be one hell of a big three in a few years. Love this move for both teams

[Soul lease @pab_loh]

“This pours like mayonnaise”

-@joemfraines on a bottle of wine

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Ubereats should have a breathalyzer. Drunk joe can’t be trusted

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

@CarlyJGarber I accidentally made a gif 💅🏻

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

@CarlyJGarber

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Now would be a good time to do murder

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Regularly paying with exact change is a sign of mental illness

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

If Superman has xray vision and he’s always using it on people…isn’t he just handing out tumors like candy

[Joe Raines @joemfraines]

Oh come let us adore him. Come on let us adore him. Seriously just let us adore him. Let us adore your baby or else. The star said you’d let us adore him ya jerk