Joetact

The only thing this world owes you is gravity

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@StephenAtHome Chester A Arthur never ran for president he succeeded the assassinated Garfield you should talk to Doris Kearns Goodwin about that

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@50cent a young Helen Mirren as Morgana Le Fay in Excalibur

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@StephenAtHome Kathy Griffin looks like a younger Dolores Kearns Goodwin. And once again my apologies to Dolores Kearns Goodwin.

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@SaraUnderwood I could sleep like a log if I was that log

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@SaraUnderwood Full Moon Over Tatooine

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@AlexS_TH put your trophies on a large chess board it will look like a strange sci fi game

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@NickJAss Your soul mate will save you a lot of money on toilet paper

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@BrookeBCNN My Great Aunt Betty (born before the XIX amendment was passed) would say this when asked how she was going to vote or had voted, "You know there is a reason why there is a curtain on the booth."

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@neiltyson Humanity would have made the same stupid mistakes, just twice as fast.

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@EllieDrabnis Read the 15 things not to say, #11 reminded me of something George Carlin said about "Holistic" cures, "If it really worked you would need a prescription." Be well.

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@StephenAtHome first draft of presidential alert

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@lorengrush All journalists are artists

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@AnnaKendrick47 your joke "What an inconvenient time to be having a full stroke." Broke me I was in tears.

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@feliciaday Potatoe chips and whipped cream, sweet and salty.

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@jennyzigrino Pain shared is lessened, joy shared is increased, and thus we defeat entropy for awhile.

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@jennyzigrino You can feel good anytime when you make others feel good.

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@TheMarySue Welcome to Night Vale

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@StephenAtHome I love egrets.

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@andersoncooper The house party that Andy took you to could have been worse, it could have been a "LEMON" party.

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@jennyzigrino Kind of reminds me of what Sigmund Freud once said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But then that also means sometimes it's not.