Joey Turk

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

I’m not up at this hour because I am drunk or high. I am up at this hour because I had back to back quesadillas from Taco Bell at midnight. #neveragain #livemas

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

@malasnakmandi Just DM’d you

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

do you ever taste your pets food just to make sure it’s the actual flavor that’s advertised on the bag

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

When can I stop telling people ‘happy new year’?

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

@jfivesix Still avail?

[Adam Goldstein @DJ_AM]

"New york, new york. Big city of dreams, but everything in new york aint always what it seems."

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

You know the parents are serious about their baby when they make it an Instagram.

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

I wash my hands in a Del Taco bathroom and now they’re twice as dirty.

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

I rode Viper yesterday at Six Flags and now I have cauliflower ear

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Your biggest supporter is a stranger, and your biggest hater is someone you know.

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

@justinheacock I don’t even know how to read or spell

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

We need a Disney princess that has a DUI

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Do the people going on the Jerry Springer show just think everything is just gonna be normal?

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Starting to think the green 420 nurses aren’t actually real nurses

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Pharrell is wearing more weird hats again

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

@PandaExpress @hadley_k I’m eating at Panda Express tomorrow because of this tweet

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Why does all this luxury restaurant food/drinks come with smoke? I can’t even see the fucken thing I ordered

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

Getting Wingstop for lunch - does anyone want to split it with me? I simply cannot afford their meals on my own anymore.

[Joey Turk @joeylocally]

People that use the term ‘snowflake’ so much seem to really get triggered by the smallest of things…