John Capoferri

madly in love with my laptop

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

There’s a spider that’s been living in my bathroom all summer. I wouldn’t call us friends, but I think we have an understanding

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

The people in this waiting room are breathing too loud

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

I can’t tell Alison Brie and Dakota Johnson apart

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Very dehumanizing to be in a Walmart

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

No honor among seagulls

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

@sophiacasidiaa 😲😮‍💨😲😮‍💨😲😮‍💨

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

I think I’m starting to have an issue with short term memory loss

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

I think I’m starting to have an issue with short term memory loss

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Picky eaters always claim they’re not picky eaters. Top 10 most delusional people in the world

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Need a lady that’s free on Thursdays to go to the car wash with me

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Gonna start being one of those guys that grabs your arm when I’m talking to you

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

I would not be able to live in a world with giant bugs

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Love that hit of gas you get when you light the stove

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

@TheThirdLegg These pretzels are making me thirsty

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

Using your beard stubble to scratch your hand while you’re driving. Am I right fellas?

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

@TheThirdLegg Women like the seat down, but don’t really care about the lid. I just can’t stand looking at the water. It disgusts me lol

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

I never met a single person that puts the toilet lid down. Y’all like looking at dirty toilet water? Y’all don’t live in fear of dropping things in the toilet? Careless

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

@TheThirdLegg swamp walk

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

jigsaw is just the riddler without batman

[John Capoferri @JohnCapoferri]

@FariahMabel you got that notification for the hulu price increase?