John Derham

[John Derham @johnderham]

@ChickfilaMobile where are you

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

I'm ok with a female President AS LONG as she doesn't start busting ghosts.

[jameswhite @JamesCageWhite]

Biil Jean

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

There is a Japanese "Gotta Go Briefcase" that contains a portable toilet for busy businesspeople.

[Wolf Pack Alan @WolfpackAlan]

Still the best dog costume ever

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Ain't no party like a 2 year old's party cuz a 2 year old shits all over his own balls.

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

According to his official biography, Kim Jong-Il never pooped or urinated.

[Megan Amram @meganamram]

Such a double standard that when a girl sleeps around she's a "slut" but when a male horse does he's a "stud"

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

TITANIC 2: TWICE as WET

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Wanna feel old? Sit under a fig tree for 46 years then look in a mirror.

[John Derham @johnderham]

@kmarrosu @lizzzziemcguire omg you guys are like so wild

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

.@Redskins @SenatorReid Hitler studied American Indian reservations while designing German concentration camps. #RedskinsPride!

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

In 1942, there was a man called the Phantom Barber. He would break into people's houses in Mississippi at night and cut their hair.

[Epcot Centre @EpcotCentre]

Please be advised that the gentleman who signed hundreds of autographs for Epcot guests today was not Orlando Magic guard Jameer Nelson.

[Courtney Connolly @COURTsidetweetz]

I get more texts from bedbath and beyond then I do from a lot of my friends... #imcool

[John Derham @johnderham]

@COURTsidetweetz hope that last tweet made you realize what was important in life