John Howard

The bestest PM EVA!

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Did anyone see the fantastic photo of my howler monkey impersonation on the front page of The Australian today? The cabinet loved it!

[John Howard @johnhoward]

When the hell did staying in this job become a popularity contest!! Must dig up dirt on Potter.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

I wonder if they will let me run AlQaeda in Iraq...if I keep speaking without thinking, I'll need a new job :( (http://tinyurl.com/2q7xbq)

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Have alerted security at Kirribilli House to keep an eye out for Harry Potter and his little band of toilet paper toting miscreants.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

I'm quite partial to Tony Martin's new version of the Advance Australia Fair...it really is quite catchy.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Kev: That is absolute hogwash! I do not pretend to know what I'm talking about! Nor do I understand what I'm talking about!

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Would getting "slits" gansta style in my rather prominent and glorious eyebrows make me more popular with the kids?

[John Howard @johnhoward]

...although it does allow in a refreshingly cool breeze during those morning walks.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

I must stop by K-Mart and pick up some new tracky dacks...the hole in the bum of my current pair is getting embaressing...

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Kev: Amandas skills will indeed be sorely missed. I'll have to find someone else to tuck me in at night and sing me true Aussie lullabies.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Frozen: Hello, and welcome to Twitter. Will I be able to count on your vote in the upcomming election?

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Kev: I see your scary Julia and raise you Amanda Vanstone.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Kev: You'll never be PM...my eyebrows won't let you! And no...I am not jealous that you have more hair than I do.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Bloody Kevin Rudd is following me now. It could be worse, Costello could be here too...I hope he isn't. That smarmy grin of his is creepy.

[John Howard @johnhoward]

@Condi: Can you tell GW that I want David Hicks back...he's my terror suspect and I want him back!

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Thank God I'm the PM, if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to put a couple of billion towards my retirement! http://tinyurl.com/2zw8vd

[John Howard @johnhoward]

Found this picture of me and Condi...she never calls anymore :( http://tinyurl.com/2488wz