Catastrophe & Caution

Real-time tales from working-through-an-affair-land.

Spouse of a "John".

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@LifeOfTee7 Thank you 🙏🏽

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

Do you move beyond resentment? I can't stand him. I've heard people say there's always a "giver" and "taker" in relationships. I'm so sick of being a giver. He is the one who has caused me unbearable pain yet I want him to comfort me. Why? What's wrong with me?

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@40yearolddummy ❤🙏🏽

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@TrueLov23876219 I've read this takes 18 months on average for a BS, so sounds like that's about right.
I am only at 3 months 1 day since d day. I expected the long haul. I didn't expect the intense depth of pain. Read something today that referenced infidelity as "emotional murder". Felt that!

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

Time is not healing these wounds.

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

I've shut literally everyone, including all of you, completely out of my life. I don't know why. But I am so broken and for over a month now I see no light. Everything hurts. The pain is the only constant. And he is growing more cruel each day as I become more unable to function

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

I was doing ok. Then all of a sudden I fell deeper and deeper into depression. What he did was so perverse. So disgusting. So duplicitous. So wrong. He consumed women like products. Reviewed them. And yet still called them beautiful, his angel, "the best he's ever tasted".

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

Its like there's a blaring foghorn on constantly in the background. Its knowledge of the affairs. I go thru the day. Do whats expected. But now there's this thing I can't turn off in my head. Its cognitive dissonance. Staying is so painful. It feels terrible. How do we pull thru

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@L_To_F I feel exactly this way as well ❤

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

How do u respect ur own boundaries if u stay? Struggling w this. When ppl say "boundaries" do they mean holding him to his vows? ie. "if u cheat again ill leave?" Bc that seems like a shitty boundary that shouldn't even have to be explicitly said. What other boundaries did u set?

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@Woundedsheepdog Sorry for your loss 💔 wishing you all strength

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@HealingHusband Sometimes I'm tempted to pretend that I don't know he cheated. I question if I can ever be happy with the burden of this truth. I wonder if it will ever feel normal again. Even with staying, I will never trust him (about being faithful). I dont think any BS trusts fully again

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@Trustingcrows @lovelylittlere1 Isn't it so frustrating??

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

So many special moments, memories...all tainted. Our engagement. Wedding. Our loving period of TTC. 3 vacations. Family parties. Reunions with friends. Times we had been there for others, as if we were a model couple. 2 whole years of my life I was a lie.

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@TrueLov23876219 I needed this answer 🙏🏽 I hope I can wear my rings again.
Both H & i have ring tattoos. Got em on our 1st anniversary. I resent him so much for letting me get it. Saving grace is that I actually got my daughter's name around my finger instead of a design, so not so bad.

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

Thought I could wear my ring set today. Nope!

How long before you put your ring back on (if you ever did)?

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@Trustingcrows @lovelylittlere1 This!!

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@Trustingcrows Ty 🙏🏽

[Trey & Lea's Stronger Marriages @StrongMarriage5]

Cheating doesn’t start with sex, it starts with secret conversations and hidden text messages.

Be faithful to your vows.

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

@BadassBam6 Thank you 🙏🏽❤

[Catastrophe & Caution @johningsucks]

I'm finding it hard to keep my daughter sheltered from this. I'm making sure her needs are met, going through the motions, trying to be a good parent. But I cant control the waves of devastation-crying spells, etc. How can I keep her protected from feeling fear, anxiety, stress?