John Mattison

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[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Fun morning at the park. #dad

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Baby Heard 'Move Out' and Contacted Legal Counsel

Three weeks left and the tenant is officially citing tenant rights 💀 Rent is free and room service is 24/7… honestly, I wouldn’t leave either! 🍼

#pregnancyhumor #thirdtrimester #babybump #babyPOV #duein3weeks #momlife

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Tell me your toddler runs the house without telling me 😂 The grin at the end gave him away instantly. #toddlersoftiktok #familytok #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #relatable

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

I may have misunderstood the assignment

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Kyrissa sat down in front of the aquarium tank to feed our newborn.

Hendrix announced that HE wasn’t Kyrissa, pointed directly at Mom, and completely blew her cover. 😂

Species: Postpartum Mom
Approach with snacks.

#KyrissaAndJohn #ParentingHumor

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Why?

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Hendrix thought he was beating up Dad… Dad thought he was auditioning for an Oscar 😂🏆

The full father-son showdown drops tomorrow morning.

Does Dad deserve the Oscar or was that performance a little dramatic? 😂

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Our toddler thinks he’s stronger than Dad 😂❤️

Hendrix barely touches him, and Dad gives the most dramatic performance of his life 🤣 Making Daddy fall over might be his new favorite game.

Hendrix remains undefeated… but does Dad deserve an Oscar? 😂

#KyrissaAndJohn #DadLife

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Our 3-year-old genuinely believes that if he can’t see us, we can’t see him 😂

Every hiding spot became more confident—and more obvious. But that final laugh completely got us. 🥹

Which round was his masterpiece?

#ToddlerLife #ParentingHumor

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

My pregnant wife got mad because I could sit still… 😂

Kyrissa has dealt with restless legs and body her whole life, and pregnancy made it worse. Watching me sit there completely comfortable was apparently the final straw. 😭❤️

Does your partner’s comfort ever annoy you too?

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Our baby was kicking SO hard I thought putting my drink on Kyrissa’s belly was a perfectly reasonable experiment 😂

She knew exactly how that was going to end.

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

My wife just explained that if she could control her skin she’d sit at home making it “wiggle.”

I suggested going to the gym.

Apparently I completely misunderstood the assignment 💀😂

Someone please tell me her explanation makes sense.

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

I just wanted a movie night with my wife. Apparently leaving the room was the better option 😂😭

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

I thought I was complimenting my pregnant wife.

Apparently I chose violence instead. 😂

Who was wrong here?

#MarriageHumor #Pregnancy

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Marriage is basically just bothering your favorite person 😂

I still think I won this one.

[John Mattison @johnmattison]

Happy new year