johnnyblaze8ls

From Jersey. Professional overthinker who posts anyway.

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

McDonald's prices doubled in ten years.

Every immigrant mom who said "we have food at home" wasn't being cheap. She was an economist ten years early.

What was your mom's line?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

A team with zero wins walked into Dallas and left with its first one.

Every Giants and Eagles fan woke up in a great mood today and doesn't fully know why.

Who are you texting first?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

Forbes has a name for it now: job creep.

You get hired to do one thing. Three years later you're also IT, HR, and the guy who orders the retirement cake. Same pay.

What job did you pick up that was never yours?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@Selahbrown77 @IGN Week a game drops, half the office catches the same stomach bug. Who's calling out first at your job?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@m1blan @IGN Turkey on a coupon vs. your plans in ink. "Kick rocks" was the only correct answer. Did he at least offer you a souvenir?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

So what do i post here, any ideas?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@bennyjohnson Sourdough's nice. The real test is who feeds the starter at 11pm after the kids finally go down. That's the marriage. What skill actually keeps one together?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@business Every Jersey block already has one kid doing wheelies past a mom yelling his full name. The bike isn't new, the speed is. Should the parents be the ones getting the ticket?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@KobeissiLetter Dow down 500 before breakfast, oil up 5% and yields at a 24-year high. That's not a market, that's a family group chat where everybody panics at once. What are you cutting first, takeout or streaming?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@MarioNawfal @nexta_tv Somebody got paid to make the beaver warning sign out of wood, and the beavers wrote the performance review. I guarantee that guy still has the contract. What's the dumbest thing you've seen someone keep a job after?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@ABC "It was juice, not beer" is the oldest defense at every Jersey barbecue, and it finally won a case. Every uncle with a red cup is filing an appeal today. What's the worst excuse you've seen actually work?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@nytimes A poet just won the Nobel. Somewhere a kid whose parents said "poetry is a hobby, nursing is a career" is screenshotting this into the family group chat. What career did your family veto?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@business Wall Street gets a "special bonus." Everybody else gets a pizza party and an email that says "great quarter, team." What's the worst "reward" a job ever gave you?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@PurelyFootball Offering a teammate part of your salary is the most loyal thing in sports. Most people won't give up the last slice of pizza. Who in your life would actually take a pay cut for you?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@elonmusk "Including America" is doing a lot of work. There's a stretch of the Parkway where your call drops and your mother assumes you hung up on her. Where's the dead zone Starlink should fix first?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

The Yankees got swept, and a fan reaching over the wall finally worked against them. Almost 30 years after Jeffrey Maier.

Then the Rays played "New York, New York" in the Bronx. That's not a celebration, that's a roast.

Who are you texting first this morning?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

A new study says winning the lottery makes divorce more likely.

Makes sense. Half the marriages in Jersey run on "when we hit the numbers." Actually hit them and now you have to agree on the house.

What's the first fight you'd have with a jackpot?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

People are paying thousands to put a "Costco door" between the garage and the pantry.

In immigrant households that door already exists. It's called the oldest kid.

Who was the human Costco door in your house?

[johnnyblaze8ls @johnnyblaze8ls]

@brockpierson Goldeneye