john murray

people are usually shocked when they find out I’m shit at electrics

[john murray @johny9109]

@GBNEWS So is it a sword from the 1600s used by a Japanese samurai warrior Or is it just a sword

[john murray @johny9109]

@MTVUK With his looks and build. Imagine if he could box

[john murray @johny9109]

@NoContextHumans What was for dessert

[john murray @johny9109]

@paddypowerbingo is the bingo site down today

[john murray @johny9109]

@elonmusk Terry crew’s definitely. He’s the only one that’s no white

[john murray @johny9109]

@Sandford_Police The hgv driver should lose his licence and made to compensate the shaken van driver with cake for a fortnight

[john murray @johny9109]

@STVNews The van filming it needs a new windscreen

[john murray @johny9109]

@OfficialAM82 @edinburghpaper Definitely New year 1999/2000 possibly the best night out ever

[john murray @johny9109]

@daveb1893 @NicolaSturgeon Do you reckon you could do a better job uncle fester Pies is the only thing you look like you could master

[john murray @johny9109]

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg And can only drive one at a time so that’s 32 cars less on the road so technically he’s saving the environment. He’s still a cunt though

[john murray @johny9109]

@RealStephenKerr You should definitely change your first name to wan

[john murray @johny9109]

@RealStephenKerr hi Stephen is it true you changed your first name from that of your birth certificate to get into politics

[john murray @johny9109]

@Effiedeans Well if that’s the deal it’s done. Text Charles to say he’s no longer Scotlands king and he text me back this Bgkbfdfhjnbvf cgkmjk nhfb bfhj 👍. Also sent me a picture for keepsakes

[john murray @johny9109]

@ijohnson677 @joec1874 @theSNP Like being in a family where your next door neighbours makes the rules for your house You hand them your wages on payday and they give you pocket money back

[john murray @johny9109]

@garymarshy @STVNews What do you think the outcome would be

[john murray @johny9109]

@bisexualhatchln

[john murray @johny9109]

@gixxergixxer1 @STVNews Were you dropped on your head as a bairn or is fucking idiot just natural to you.

[john murray @johny9109]

@AnasSarwar Anus why did you join forces with them then. Between yourself and dross you have about as much power and authority in Scotland as me

[john murray @johny9109]

@MaureenBuchan2 @NicolaSturgeon Fuck off maureen 🖕