Giosi

singer/songwriter/photographer

[Giosi @jojo90214]

@accordingtocass 😭😭😭we’ll get them again together lol

[Giosi @jojo90214]

My boobs hurt so bad, this is the one and only time I’m grateful my nipple piercings aren’t in anymore…but I’m still sad

[Giosi @jojo90214]

He’s on my amends list and I’ve already written it all out but I’m too scared to send it. I want to be respectful of him and I’m not sure what to do. So it’s just sitting in a note in my phone. Until someday

[Giosi @jojo90214]

It makes me wonder how every single other person missed it.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

My ex’s mom used to always comment on how I never ate anything. She barely knew me and I didn’t spend a lot of time with her, but still she was the ONLY person to notice.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

2 days away from second trimester 🥹 y’all better hope this nausea goes away like they say it will 😭

[Giosi @jojo90214]

We got our first 3D scan today and I am in awe 3 months has gone by so fast. I can’t wait to meet my sweet little baby 🥹

[Giosi @jojo90214]

On our way to Jersey I felt so sick we had to pull over so I could almost puke…of course the exact spot we pull over at has a dead deer in the bushes looking at me😭

[Giosi @jojo90214]

Crying bc at my ob appt today she asked about my eating disorder and how I was doing with it, if I had any behaviors or thoughts of behaviors and it’s been so long since anyone has asked. I fought back the tears at the appt but can’t rn

[Giosi @jojo90214]

Unbreakable

[Giosi @jojo90214]

And that’s what I get to tell our baby. That we fight for each other every day. We show up even when it’s hard. We love each other at our best and our worst and we keep going. We laugh and cry, we grow, together. We adapt and we don’t give up. Because our love and our bond is

[Giosi @jojo90214]

But the whispers always creep back in, the only difference is I have someone who is willing and wanting to fight for me, for us, every day. He’s someone I want to fight for too.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

And he grabs my face, makes me look him in the eyes and tells me he’s not leaving, he loves me, I’m beautiful. And for a second I believe him. And over the years those seconds have grown to minutes, hours and sometimes even days.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

Forgettable. Insignificant. Unimportant. Never enough. Unworthy. Undeserving. Disgusting. Weak. Horrible. There’s the word. Horrible. They still ring in my ears, drop me to my knees, make my heart sink and my soul flee. Horrible.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

It got real confusing when he decided to stay. To fight through all my bullshit and fight for ME, my love, my life when I was on the verge of ending it. Over and over he’d show up, choose me, fight my inner demons and the real life ones too. And I STILL feel undeserving.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

Why on earth would anyone stay? And that became my story. It was who I was….the one who was easy to leave and impossible to love. I’d never be worth fighting for. Forgettable. Insignificant. Unimportant. Never enough. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

[Giosi @jojo90214]

And I can see it, I recognize the patterns. No matter how hard I try to break them, they’re there. My self-destructive, self-sabotaging behavior. My inherent default of “I’m horrible” so I stopped expecting them to stay and instead expected everyone to leave.