Seriously Funny Jokes

The Best #Jokes come from Australia. We need to amuse ourselves because it's so boring Down Under even the dogs pray for fleas so they'll have something to do.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

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Add some spice to your life with some of the funniest jokes ever told. You'll be the life of the party and have 'em rolling in the aisles!

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

THE JANITOR

A priest is hearing confession and he really needs to go to the bathroom. So he opens the door of the confessional and spots the janitor sweeping the floor nearby.

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“Psst” he says, “can you take my place for a minute? I’ve got to go have a crap."

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The janitor looks shocked. The priest says “it’s easy - there’s a list on the wall with the penances. They’ll come in and tell you what they did, just look it up on the list and tell them what they have to do.”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

So the janitor steps into the confessional booth. He starts to feel a little nervous as he is waiting. Suddenly he hears the door open on the other side and a person sits down.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“Bless me father for I have sinned” the person says.
The janitor replies “err.....bless you my son” .

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“I have committed the sin of stealing” says the person.

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The janitor breaks into a sweat and starts looking at the list of sins, and thankfully finds “stealing”.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“Well my son, say three hail Marys and attend three masses for the next three days.” The man thanks him and leaves.
The janitor breathes a sigh of relief and wipes his brow. Suddenly the door opens again and another person steps into the confessional.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“Bless me Father for I have sinned.”
“Ah .... bless you my son”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“I have committed the sin of lying.”
The janitor frantically scans the list until he finds 'lying'.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“Ah ... say six hail Marys and attend six masses for the next six days.”
The man thanks him and leaves. The janitor takes a deep breath and loosens his shirt collar. “Where’s that bloody stupid priest?” he says to himself.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

Suddenly the confessional door opens and another person enters. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“Yeah, no worries, bless you my daughter.”
The janitor is getting into the swing of things now and starts to think that hearing confession is not so hard after all.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

“I have committed the sin of.....oral sex.”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

The janitor leaps up in a panic scanning the list but this time the sin of 'oral sex' is not there! He breaks into a sweat. He doesn’t know what to do. He is frantic!

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

He opens the door and sees a little altar boy walking by.
“Hey kid” he whispers. “Quick, what does Father O’Leary usually give for oral sex?”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

The altar boy looks at the janitor and says “usually a packet of chips and a can of coke.”

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

DEAD PRESIDENTS

Bill Clinton dies and goes to heaven. St Peter meets him at the pearly gates. He’s holding a clipboard and as he ticks his name off the list he tells Clinton to follow him. They go down a corridor, up a corridor and finally arrive at a little cell.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

Clinton gasps in horror as he looks inside the dinghy little room. Because on the bed is a filthy ugly old hag writhing in sexual ecstasy.

[Seriously Funny Jokes @jokes_ser_funny]

They throw him in and slam the door. A big deep voice suddenly says “William Jefferson Clinton. You have sinned. You are sentenced for all eternity to be with this woman ....”