Jokes OK Please

Bio means life! After reading jokes what is left of life? DISCLAIMER: The #jokes are mostly picked from reddit (r/jokes) and other sources!

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank......

Give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

Her: "Undress me with your words."

Me: "I saw a spider in your bra." #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?

Getting to vote in American elections. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

I just downloaded porn but the file is compressed

sigh.... *unzips* #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

A homeless guy asked me for money today

So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

I like my women like I like my COVID...

19, breath-taking, and easily spreads #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is

No sun #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters, but all they had was 13,239 matches. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

There's a woman in the park sells batteries.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

Edit: Thank you to the Redditors that awarded this post. Much appreciated. #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!" #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

So the canadian navy is dropping all variations of "seaman" from its rank structure, in favor of something more gender neutral.

I'd say why bother? Its already... gender fluid #joke

[Jokes OK Please @jokesokplease]

I don't like the term Anal Bleaching.

I prefer calling it Changing Your Ringtone. #joke