Jon Joners

hello internet

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

they didn't think I could eat all that mapo tofu but I really did 🙏

[april 💛 @greenbaybby]

the hottest thing a guy can do is be his league’s fantasy football commissioner

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

I can't believe they shot Jack Kennedy man

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

was having a euphoric moment walking in central park at sunset listening to $0 by Cameron Winter and right when he screams "god is real" a rat jumped out and looked at me and scurried away

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

chicken biriyani, man. what a dish

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

my last world cup final before I become a father (probably) (Pamela disagrees)

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

yeah I actually don't remember 9/11 happening but if it happens again i probably won't forget that one

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

me if I was on love island: no thanks I'm taken

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

I made a decision to get drunk tonight and I will not let myself down

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

@ShamsCharania shams you think I care who Marvin Bagley's agents are? fuck you

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

the woke radical left wants to cancel bullfighting but they don't think about those of us who read "The Sun also rises" once and want to live out the sad vibes to prove to themselves that they are worldly and melancholic

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

as a cosmopolitan respecter of all cultures, the world cup is basically my super bowl

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

had to skip church today but still got "this is the day that the Lord has made" stuck in my head. that's how you know I'm real holy

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

being sick sucks!!! 🖕🖕 I say a big F U to all the viruses and pathogens out there in the USA! at least I know that if it gets bad enough that I gotta go see a doctor, @Aetna has me covered. love you guys! #healthcare #privateinsurance #saynotosinglepayer #ad

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

every day that I clean the bathroom is the worst day of my life

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

horseradish is insane. I can't believe anything on earth tastes like that. proof of God's design #creationism

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

respect to baseball for playing boomer honky tonk bullshit and supporting the troops anthems at the ballpark 24/7. it helps build character and enhances the feeling of being transported to an older, even shittier version of america

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

yeah I ate the entire mint sprig garnish for my cocktail, I had to make sure it wasn't plastic. I already knew the ice was real because it was melting. idiot

[Jon Joners @joners_jon]

they will never make another movie as good as shrek 2