Celery Jones

Crunchy and long stick

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

“Over my already dead body!” - Prince Flap reported to be INCANDESCENT at prospect of KRAUT TUCHEL taking over the England football job

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

*ALERT* Our sources can reveal Prince Flap is considering royal COMEBACK after death 3 years ago, despite his cock having ROTTEN OFF in coffin

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

Diary entry of a YOUNG QUEEN ELIZABETH IN 1952 LEAKED: “My husband Prince Flap can be so tender before RODGERING me hard from behind against my commode.”

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

NEWS FLASH: “Prince Flap fingered my stinker in 1957 - and REFUSED TO PAY” says Albanian prostitute favoured by the late Prince

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

FROM OUR SOURCES: Prince Flap challenged Camilla to CHAIN SMOKING CONTEST on his DEATHBED in 2021 - and WON EASILY

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@SW_Help Then why are we still sat here waiting? You are absolutely useless

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@connell_consult @LaingBuisson That’s great

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

NEWSFLASH: Prince Flap FUMING in coffin at ethnic minority Sunak becoming PM. TREMORS felt across Windsor from royal vault equivalent to EARTHQUAKE

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

NEWS ALERT: “Prince Flap had TESTICLES THE SIZE OF TENNIS BALLS in his prime” according to chambermaid who saw him STARKERS in the 1940s

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@rickydunkers I always knew you were. Bet you’d love to dunk ur nuts in some coco really

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

Royal staff member reveals Prince Flap storms out of coffin to impregnate dead Queen after her coffin was placed next to his

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@connell_consult @anitagoyal_ Really insightful!

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@rickydunkers Tis but a lie

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

EXCLUSIVE: Source claims Prince Flap buttfucked Filipino housemaid then enjoyed fellatio whilst Queen was in Canada on royal visit in 1992

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@rickydunkers Shut up you egg. If you knew who you were talking to you wouldn’t have said that. I’m reconsidering my earlier remark about not wanging you. I will wang you and then I will suffocate you with my favourite wob, the left one.

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@rickydunkers I strongly suspect you are a nonce and part of Putin’s children-loving cabal. I shall be reporting you immediately. #rickydisanonce #putinisanonce

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

Sometimes I wonder what I like best: wobs or bunda?

But then it came to me - you can’t beat hairy armpits and yellow teeth.

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

Wobs McFadden is a term used to describe a girl with abnormally large breasts, so huge that the subject becomes known more for their chest than the rest. There are various stages of being Wobs McFadden but ultimately it ends with the girl being seen as a walking set of funbags.

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

@rickydunkers You wish. I only wang the undeserving in the face as I like to see the shock in their eyes as I do it. You deserve a good wanging but it won’t be me.

[Celery Jones @jones_celery]

NEWS JUST IN: Footballer FLASHED Queen Elizabeth at Jubilee because she ‘looked fantastic’