Joni

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Does anyone else get mcdonalds and think- I do not regret a single decision I have made in life if it lead me to here

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Am I the only one who didn’t realize Barbie is short for Barbara??

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

@WmClayThompson @Fazolis Just @ me next time 🙄

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

I just contemplated bringing a flask of water to the bar so I can stay hydrated while I day drink. If that’s not a sign I’m almost thirty idk what is.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

The fact that no one has posted RIP graphics for noodle the pug yet is upsetting me. #RIPNoodles

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Idk about y’all but my parents joining BeReal has dramatically improved my days

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

This is my formal pitch to put dry bars in airports. Thx for listening.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Still accurate.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

And once again @taylorswift13 has mystical powers of being awesome and writing songs completely relevant to my life.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Actual convo between me and my mother:
Me: You literally got me everything on my Christmas list!
Mom: Shit, I didn’t leave anything for your birthday next month.
Me: Oh don’t worry I have another list.
😂😂😂

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

There’s no better ego boost then when your mom posts a photo of you on Facebook and all her little friends comments.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Is it a faux pas to mingle with people in the waiting area of your therapists office? Like “hey what are you in for?” #AskingForAFriend

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

I wish when you order a bagel on seamless hungover it automatically came with Advil. Can someone build that app?

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Vote Arya for Queen.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

So like... does Arya get MVP or sumthin?

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Sunday’s have just become a waiting game for @GameOfThrones

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

“Damn, Instagram changes its logo more than I change my feelings.” - Erin Kissel

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

If you didn’t realize. There’s a reason I’ve looked up to @aliciakeys since I was in the third grade. #GRAMMMYs

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Today I figured out the cross town bus. It was exhilarating.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Laundry day is also leg day when you live in a 6 floor walk up and the laundry room is in the basement.

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

There’s no greater sadness than the last sip of iced coffee when you’re at work hungover on a Friday morning. 🥺

[Joni @jonitweetsalot]

Is it normal to cry at the Westminster dog show??? No??