John Worts

All round amateur comedy writer and Sit-Down comedian. Carries a Hip Flask - they never go out of fashion. Parking all my jokes on Twitter.

Time Traveller

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Thank god the end is nigh for you incompetent impotent invertebrate! You have done nothing to stave off knife crime with stabbings every day. Now a child has been thrown into a crocodile pen by someone with health issues. We are scared4 our children and u do sod all

[John Worts @jonno65]

@SqSehrish "and"

[John Worts @jonno65]

@SqSehrish Twelve

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Dene71 @maureenlipman Ooh. Good calls. I'm opting for Bernice. Will see if my brother concurs. Thank you.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@maureenlipman Hi Maureen. This may seem a strange question. I'm trying to identify the lady to the left of your then husband when Spike Milligan gave his hilarious comment about Charles. I'm thinking Jill Gascoigne but my brother disagrees.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Sakaextra2 Has to be John Jensen, surely? Got him on the back of 1992 Euros and infamously only scored one goal for us!

[John Worts @jonno65]

@DoctorWhoWorld_ I used to love going up to Matt Smith Fez wearing fans at the conventions and say "just like that". Not many got it 🤭 but they were decent. I like Matt Smith's Doctor BTW. Ncuti has to be the worst. Tom Baker the best for me. Pretty much all of them are decent

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Aestheticsn1 7

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Meanwhile, you've had two shit seasons. How dare you jump on the sports bandwagon inferring you had a part to play by saying 'we'! Jog on and jog off you stuffed dummy.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@MadelynSmedley 👍👍🙏

[John Worts @jonno65]

@MadelynSmedley Cannot believe #Piglets has been cancelled. Lots of snowflakes and Executives don't seem to have a funny bone these days! No doubt the usual crap will be recommissioned. 🐷Devestated.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@cult_edge I'm devastated. I loved Vila, arguably the best character in Blakes 7. Used to watch the show with my late mum. Feel very sad that another from the generation we grew up with has gone too soon. My condolences to Michael's family. 🌹🌹

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Sold your soul. Now just piss off.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Run along now, you oily prat.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Bye bye you loathsome creep.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Oh go away. Silly little man.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@Keir_Starmer Nah. Cheerio, Cheerio, Cheerio.

[John Worts @jonno65]

@OfficialJoel4_ Octodecimo

[John Worts @jonno65]

@SteveSnooker There seem to be fewer kicks now. Is this due to the chalk used nowadays?

[John Worts @jonno65]

@DoctorWhoWorld_ 😍😍😍😍