Jonny DiVito

1 half of @showmeyourspodcast Find that anywhere other than Twitter. Comedian and Bath Salt Sommelier. Team Having Fun

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

If a fella busts nut in the forest and nobody is there to see it does he still make a sound?💦🤔

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

Why isn’t there a band named Dirty Panty Potpourri?

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

If every rapper that has Kanye’s back doesn’t come together to make a diss record called Skete Shooting then this was a waste of time.
#KanyeWest #PeteDavidson #skete #KimKardashian

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

You can take the ska out of the skank but you’ll never take the skank out of the ska.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

@pfgrnt You need help😂

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

The only two genders my sister recognizes are Mayo and Doritos.
-Earnest Hemingway.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

When it comes down to it the same rules apply for blow jobs and circumsision. Don’t use your teeth and you should be alright.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

If I smacked my penis against a glass bottle would the Warriors be contractually obligated to come out and play?

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

Foodies Never Say Dine.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

I don’t care if it’s porno or punk rock, just gimmie a wide stance and some fast down strokes.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

People will tell you to grow up then take a survey to them which Disney character they are.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

I didn’t know anything about polyamorous relationships until I found out I was in one for a year and a half.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

You can’t spell “low self-esteem and a shallow cervix” without love.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

The most interesting cause of death has to be autopsy, right?

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

“No diarrhea in the pool” signs are like taking your shoes off at airport security. One guy always ruins it for the rest of us.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

Jesus isn’t come back until sandals are cool again. Pre orders in the link🙏

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

Shower thoughts are like shower beers. You gotta take showers to have one.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

I know my real OnlyFans are the ones who say “I liked his old stuff better”.

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

Why isn’t there a nerdcore band called Adverbs of Frequency?

[Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito]

I wanna be your friend till the end, but on my terms. Murder suicide.