jordan

professional complainer, amateur Veronica Lodge impersonator, Derrick from Tate Starbucks fan club

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

What is about GAS STATIONS that makes old men think it’s okay to talk to me? No I don’t need help. Yes is it cold outside. Move along, Don from accounting. No one cares

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

https://t.co/TtWm3i4eaq.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

Why is it that Mike Pence doesn’t seem to have to answer any of the questions asked of him in this debate?

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

There’s a fly in his hair

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

As an undecided voter it’s just so hard for me to choose between the guy who called on his white supremacist gangs to terrorize Americans and the guy who didn’t do that

[Jon Favreau @jonfavs]

“Will you shut up, man?” - Joe Biden, speaking for...most Americans

[Katya @katya_zamo]

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but all you straights are going to Hell

[Eddy Burback @eddyburback]

bro all they said was “condemn white supremacists” and this man started SWEATING

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

Tips for making your ass hurt less from spin class?

[Eddy Burback @eddyburback]

just decided i weigh 4 lbs

[Jules @Jujubean2726]

Sexy cop costumes are OUT and sexy mailman costumes are IN

[Eddy Burback @eddyburback]

imagine trying to out pizza the hut

[James @CaucasianJames]

every day i get closer and closer to joining the amish community

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

I keep thinking the fake eyelash I left on the floor is a bug and yet I’m too lazy to pick it up

[James @CaucasianJames]

now everybody from tiktok is gonna join twitter and expect me to be the new charli d’amelio. i’m up for the challenge

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

Skinny hack: Limoncello La Croix. Literally tastes like cake

[madimoiselle ♡ @drivingmemadi]

ratatouille is just martha stewart little

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

Scrolling someone's old Instagram pics carefully trying not to accidentally like anything is what the game Operation prepared us for.

[jordan @jordanisoverit]

I got my mom to listen to ANYTHING in the car today. Truly a breakthrough for her