jordan

we’re getting ready to spaghetti this place

[Big Choctaw @Derekalexander_]

no noise november. everyone shut up

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

@lizardsoup51 exposure therapy

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

@messedupfoods macronym

[ilovedyourdad @millersarah47]

imagine being a candle. you were literally made to suffer and smell nice about it.

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Independence Day is a reminder that America is not the project of any one person. The single most powerful word in our democracy is the word ‘We.’ ‘We The People.’ ‘We Shall Overcome.’ ‘Yes We Can.’ America is owned by no one. It belongs to all citizens. And at this moment in history—when core democratic principles seem to be continuously under attack, when too many people around the world have become cynical and disengaged—now is precisely the time to ask ourselves tough questions about how we can build our democracies and make them work in meaningful and practical ways for ordinary people.

[phoebe @bottomforhahn]

HUGE day for leslie knope

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

She believed she could.

But it was 95 degrees out.

So she didn’t.

[Vatnik Soup @P_Kallioniemi]

Imagine being so unbearable that the Pope drops dead immediately after meeting you.

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

hey @netflix i’m deeply concerned and unsettled by the insensitive marketing email i was just sent by you all, see photo attached. why are you marketing off of other people’s tragedies???? do better. this is disgusting.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

Hey, sorry for overreacting earlier, I had no idea everything was going to be completely fine

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

@lizardsoup51 🥬🥦🌽🫛🫑🌶️🫛🥒🥕🫒🧅🥕

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

*you're

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

sorry i can't come out tonight i have Bed

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

i’m an adult but i still leave a piece of my meal as a reward for myself after eating all of my veggies

[re: emma @evemmore]

next white lotus should be set in Greece. It should star meryl streep, christine baranski and julie walters. pierce brosnan colin firth and stellan skarsgard should also feature. also amanda seyfried could be there. and instead of a body the mystery should be who her father is

[Daily Snoopy @DailySnoopys]

me cause its getting a lil warm outside

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

@abbsmk you’re hired

[Alisa the Writer 🐢 @the_alisa_renee]

All of these “lets stop hating each other” commercials are fucking annoying when the source of the hatred and division is sitting in the stadium with his bronzer and 34 convictions watching the game like he’s not awful

[jordan @jordanrosenz]

@lizardsoup51 go circus girl