jordon best

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

@bernadette_mw living out best lives

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

Oh no we went on a train to Durham to see your gig and it’s not here, it’s not in Durham @rosentweets

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

hey @rosentweets I’m doing a gig in Durham tonight at 11.30 at a Spaghetti restaurant but I’m a bit tired and I know you’re in Durham so if you want it you can have my spot babes.

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

The No Such Thing As A Fish podcast theme song makes me horny

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I just saw Lou Sanders’ show and it was incredible, and I’m glad I didn’t get to meet her after the show because I would have embarrassingly said “you’re incredible” but I’m still going to tweet her to say, Hey Lou, you’re incredible, thank you and goodnight @LouSanders

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

before a gig I do the sign of the cross and say ‘in the name of the Katherine, the Sara and the Lou Sanders, Amen’ and it really helps me channel the spiritual, female energy I need to tell my best wank joke in front of 25 people.

@sarapascoe @Kathbum @LouSanders

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

@barnaclebawds This is so fkn real and I still haven’t gotten over it

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

today was my first time crying in a Mac store ☑️true millenial☑️

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

@LateNightGirl_ WHAT IS HAPPENING

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

wait why do people think I’m Pret A Manger? Is it because I like their porridge?

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

shame that I am only ever going to assume this lovely company is a bunch of slanderers @rosentweets @robertpopper @willfromtheinvetweenersfuckknowswhathisactualnameissorrywill

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I’ve been looking at people lately and remembering that we all have skeletons inside us and it’s gross and weird

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I cried in a pret a manger this morning

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

@TwootLordAshlee No!!

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I’m a strong woman unless Guinness is on tap

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

My bus driver is literally actually Stephen Merchant

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I have a headache and I think it’s from eating too many raisins but I can’t be sure because I keep self-medicating with more raisins

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

I saw a guy at the corner shop who looked exactly like Gerard from peep show and he asked the cashier if soy milk has gluten in it and for the first time I truly feel like this is home

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

We move into our flat tomorrow and my gran got the posh buiscuits out to celebrate

[jordon best @jordonbest1]

in primary school I used to feel jealous of the teacher getting to write on the whiteboard. I get that same all-consuming envy for the people who get to write half-baked puns and doodle on the chalkboards out the front of sandwich shops, they don’t know how good they’ve got it