Joshua Bausch

If I use my bio to be self-degrading, does that make me biodegradable?

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

If the pizza isn’t sliced all the way through it isn’t sliced at all.

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

@HumansNoContext I take 3 from 48 and add it to 27.
Making 30 + 45

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

Ok, well … Buh-Biden 👋🏻

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

The directions on my One-A-Day® vitamins say I should take two daily.

Excuse me while I just sit quietly for a while.

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

No matter how old @DaveSFoley gets he’s never going to stop looking like a young man in old man makeup

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

Grogu has a special message for all of you this #maythe4th
.
.
#starwarsday #maythe4thbewithyou #grogu not #babyyoda

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

ME: “Oooo, you’re not wearing green!”

*pinch*

FIREMAN: “Sir, you are severely obstructing our efforts to get this fire under control …”

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

5YO: “We have to battle a snake with 300 tails!”

ME: “Are you sure it isn’t 300 snakes with one head?”

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

I neglected to post a “Happy Thanksging” to the general public yesterday but since there’s no going back 🌟🎄⛄️ MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!! 🎅🏻🎁🌟

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

Has anyone else is talk to text really bend draw panda ball lately?

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

Thanks for mentioning the Queen part because I know a ton of Elizabeths

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

I am fundamentally opposed to forgiving student drivers.

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

How do you sneeze on a plate of tortilla chips?

“NAaaCHOooS!!”

(I told this to my 5 year-old and it killed)

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

My 4 year-old just dropped this mix on me:
“Ants in my Pants! Ants in my Pants! Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats Boots and Cats and Mama Mia, Mama Mia, Mama Mia Let Me Go!”

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

As of today I’ve played 100 Wordles.
I’ve also won 100 Wordles.
😁👍🏻
#humblebrag #wordle #ilovewordle #keepit100 #streaksdontmatter

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s okay if the Fourth wasn’t with you today.

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

WIFE: “Should I look for anything special while I’m at the store?”

ME: “A mirror.”

WIFE: “...?”

ME: “We don’t need one, but if you see one — you’ll be looking at something special.” 😉❤️

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

Shout out to every 90s girl who had to live through Lou Bega saying her name in Mambo No. 5

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

His name isn’t Won’t Smith.

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

I saw a list that said “100 Books You Have To Read Before You Die” and I’m worried like, is this really a firm requirement? cuz I’m a SLOW reader y’all and I’m just not sure I want to still be alive and all decrepit at 147 going dang, this book #83 is dryyyyyy

[Joshua Bausch @joshbausch]

22:22 2/22/22