MNightChamillionaire

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

Is the Curious Case of Benjamin Button about him being born old and slowly growing into a tennis instructor?

[Tatered @tatered]

This is what @RealAlexJones rants would sound like as a @boniver song.

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

Yes mom I am unemployed but

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

.@Spotify everytime I put a song on and u ask if I want to share a barcode with a friend I almost die in a car crash! Cover my funeral costs

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

Democracy Dies in Darkness

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

@jayshirk_ I assure you I have no idea what you mean by this

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

There was really bad traffic but I laid on my horn for about 10-15 seconds and it all cleared up and also racism is over now

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

Mom: you moved home from college three days ago. Unpack and get all of your shit out of the living room

Me: #TrustTheProcess

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

I photoshopped a flesh-light into the background of this photo please RT so one day it accidentally get's used in an article.

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

My web series about a kooky New York psychiatrist is in development hell

[bobby @bobby]

film critic: THIS IS THE SCARIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

me: is it as scary as that rugrats episode where angelica's baby brother is evil

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

@jb_daddy Slapjobs

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

Perks of being my girlfriend
1) I don't have air conditioning
2) I wear bud light sunglasses indoors
3) I call women's breasts "slappers"
4)

[Josh Johnson @JoshtheSandwich]

When White actors who want to say the N-word get a Tarantino script.

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

When your non-New York friends visit you in New York

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

I just want to be loved like every girl loves the hosts of HGTV shows

[farha @shutyourhell]

BREAKING: man tries to kill people based on religion, thought he was a terrorist but turns out he's clean shaven https://t.co/cSixnV8RhW

[MNightChamillionaire @jothstein]

My mind is a seal trap!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Happy Father's Day to all, even the haters and losers!