Hamilton Gadsby

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

I eat the booty like groceries! Once a month after EBT hits.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

My favorite part about tying a noose is pretending I’m kinky and not suicidal.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

@MikeWiseguy Did you or your black friend come up with that one?

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Alex Jones drinking a quarter of a bottle of whiskey than saying, “don’t be mean to me,” was the most insecure, endearing moment I’ve seen from an unhinged man.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Puppy play is only popular now because our parents had us on leashes as kids.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Do women still wear booty pop?

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

@TheEllenShow @Drake Happy birthday @drake! You’re a year older and the girls you groom stay the same age!!

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

I use the internet more than I go to a doctor. So this makes sense.

[Republicans @Republicans]

Pres. Trump is fighting for YOU! Here are some of his priorities for a 2nd term:

*Establish Permanent Manned Presence on The Moon
*Send the 1st Manned Mission to Mars
*Build World’s Greatest Infrastructure System
*Establish National High-Speed Wireless Internet Network

[Sean Padraig McCarthy @SeanMcCarthyCom]

The point of comedy, even political comedy, is not to push an agenda but to provide entertainment. To actually be good at it you have to be willing to undermine whatever point you’re trying to make in service of a laugh.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

@RepDougCollins don’t you have sex with your kids?

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Stop shaming rich people for voting for their best interests.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Is this growing up?

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Ladies will pull A thorn off a prickle bush and be like omg he changed!!!

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Bitches be so stupid like OMG let me pull out this thorn in your paw and you’ll be a good boyfriend!! And then I roll over body, made of barbs.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Which presidential candidate will restore my 2nd amendment right?? I’m trynna buy a gun.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

@muckygirl Hell yeah fuck a Reno 911 reboot. My favorite c list comedians should have to scramble to find work!

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

From the makers of young Sheldon, comes young Epstein!! A 12 year old Jeffrey pimps out toddlers to the Hollywood middle school elite! Coming this fall to NBC!

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

Back in my day we were starting alt rock bands, not alt right movements.

[Hamilton Gadsby @jpatrickcomedy]

But cosmology of monsters!! Such a great October read!

[Shaun Hamill @shaunhamill]

I wish I had a rich dad to order enough copies of my book to make it a bestseller. Instead I have to hustle on the midlist like a sucker, and pay for all my own drugs. LAME. Dad did lend me some money to buy a new vacuum though, which was nice.