Gay meditation teacher

I am gay and a meditation teacher. Here I would share my experience of living a life with sexual desire and spiritual growth. There is fun in the struggle.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

@SupportRequests #0324113589

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

My account was hacked and the email was changed by unknown persons. Fortunately I could still log-in with my phone. I change the password immediately but cannot change the email back. I save all the previous posts in another document.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

This video really captures the impermanent nature of love. It burns vigorously at the beginning. Eventually both matches are burnt up.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

We cannot control the external environment and the immediate emotional reactions triggered by it. What we can control is how much we get caught up in the emotional reactions.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

Good to learn about the lives of those decided to meditate in the Japanese temple. It is interesting to hear that they share similar struggles about meaning of life. At the end, they realize that life is about being present and letting go of craving. https://t.co/OYrDc1x2xD

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

(Stage 5) "I walk down another street." Doing so, I need to delete everything (e.g., sexy friends on fb, gay chatroom, gay board game group) that triggers my craving. But I am not yet able to do so. It requires high level of dedication, as if a real monk can let go of everything.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

(Stage 4) "I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it." After learning meditation, I can see my habit more clearly. Sometimes I want to share naked photos again as I crave for appreciation from someone. But this path leads to a dead end.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

(Stage 3) "I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately." The more I wanted social approval, the more I suffered. It is my habit.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

(Stage 2) "I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes me a long time to get out." Yes, I did the same thing continuously for approval.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

(Stage 1) "I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out." I experienced this stage in 2007 when I started seeking approval by sharing naked photos.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

How to tell if I have desire and attachment to someone (e.g., handsome student). Just ask myself: If he leaves me, will I feel sad? When the answer is yes, I have desire and attachment. That's why attachment leads to suffering. Everything is impermanent.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

When self-esteem is based on other's approval, high self-esteem and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. Popularity makes me feel proud. But once I lose it, I feel sad. The key to happiness is not how to be popular, but how to be resilient.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

I like the way he shares the funny experience in the 7-day retreat. It is perfectly human to struggle with temptation (mostly about food or sex). This kind of live stories would be more memorable than boring talks. https://t.co/ddh8IDz1L8

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

When other people think I am handsome, I feel happy. When other people think I am ugly, I feel sad (tight in chest). It is my pattern and good that I am aware of it.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

This video inspires me because I often identify myself with attainment (e.g., other's approval, virtue). I can attain something, but I am not the attainment. When attainment one day leaves, I am still me. https://t.co/X7dUkO8sRE

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

"Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What's wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside."

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

There is a handsome student in my class. When I saw him, I noticed intense sensations of craving. I did not blame myself, nor did I suppress the craving because doing so would only reinforce my reactions. Instead, I allowed craving to be here and just observed it.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

Occasionally I notice craving for having sex with handsome guys. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but craving leads to suffering. When I try to reduce craving by looking for sex, it is like drinking sea water. The more I drink, the thirstier I become.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

Plants are somehow more mindful than humans because plants would not worry if they are the most pretty and attractive. Humans are so easily get caught by judgment and evaluation. A lot of wisdom can be learnt from nature.

[Gay meditation teacher @jpcompapp]

When I use the gay dating app, my happiness would be controlled by others. When I send a message but don't get any response, I feel so frustrated. In fact, my happiness can be determined by myself.