Trust me, I wouldve done everything in my power. But I'm too far gone into respecting myself. I've learned how to say no. I've learned how to choose myself. So why does it hurt so much knowing this fact. Why do I end up hating myself for my own selfish gain.
Then again I hold no responsibility for anyones decisions. But to think I couldve at least done something more for them, haunts my very soul. But theres nothing I really couldve done to help them, and if I did, there wouldnt have been an option that leaded to helping even myself.
I understand why you left. Am I selfish for wanting to keep people in my life despite the pain they'll go through if they stay? Maybe. But loss has been such a difficult concept for me. If they choose to leave though, then I cant have a say. I never had a say to begin with.
After going through some past tweets I realized how out there I was with how I felt at the time. I always hoped someone would read these tweets and wonder "who tf is this girl?" I never really knew why I was in a state of wanting to be seen. But nowadays Im lowkey bing chilling.
Nobody rlly pays attention to my twitter so don't mind me talking to myself here, this is literally my only way to cope atm. I fr feel like a burden to everyone I've ever met. Sorry for ever coming into ur lives and making it 10x more complicating.
If I chose to be selfish, then I'd very much like to be remembered... but a part of me wishes that I never existed in anybodys life.
I feel like I'm the embodiment of burden... it's the 'what if' of what would happen if I didn't exist at all.