jason pomietlasz

I dance like it’s a YouTube video, drive like no one is behind me and tweet like I was hacked by Russian bots. All my friends are female dogs.

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

When I heard people talking about how scientists did the exact thing from that movie that nerds love, I was really hoping it was Weird Science. #tariffs #Riffing #nerdwar #WeirdScience #JurassicWorldChaosTheory #TweetsWillFindAWay #kellyLeBrock #BrockLesnar #lesNessman #Lochness

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

There comes a time in every man’s life when he looks in the mirror and admits he needs to work on his glutes. #100hrs #lunges #Squats #frontSquats #maximus #commodious #Throne #prince #charles #COVID19

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I have several good business ideas that won’t see the light of day because I refuse to address grown people as hello sharks unless they are in the West Side Story. #Jets #AaronRodgers #SharksNest #piranhaLanding #LionsLivingroom #BadgerBathroom #crocodilecloset #blackwidowBasemen

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I have to admit the highlight of my day was when the older women in front of me at Starbucks stated her full name when the barista asked for a name for her drink. #Starbucks #STARSHIP #Jefferson #WhatDoesAMermaidHaveToDowithCoffee #IfYouDontHaveAFullTatooSleeveAreYouReallyABarist

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I may be misremembering but I’m pretty sure I almost failed third grade because I kept referring to math remainders as the aftermath. #BlueCheckMark #PostBirth #HeadForNumbers #BodyForReminders #IsCovidStillAThing #Swat #JustGiveTheLeftOverToCharity #

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I appreciate that dogs want to get it right and please their owners. That’s why when I let them out at midnight they use that as rehearsal for the surprise 1 am outing. #Dogs #cats #Pets #ChampionsLeague #GRAMMYs #DressRehearsal #bachelor #Constantine #fentanyl #LoveIsBlind #sesa

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

If the 2nd amendment were repealed, would we just put a line through it on the constitution or would the other amendments all just move up a spot, which would confuse all U.S. citizens who can recite the 20 something amendments by heart. #usa #constitution #Constantine #Successio

[MovieMaddness @maddnesspodcast]

The weekend is almost here and if you’re heading to the cinema listen to @lindstothek and I to make sure you don’t have any happy (or sad) little accidents by picking the wrong movie. #paint #moviemaddness #owenWilson #movies #podcasts #bobRoss #wow #wigs
https://t.co/n6w6IJ1WnZ

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

Why did the dumb rich guy buy all those houses? His Fitbit kept telling him to move. #ClassicHumor #steps #NotLiterally #AccordingToMovieAllRichPeopleAreDumb #OrEvil #TenThousandOrDeath #ElonsWatchToldHimToBuyTwitter #AustraliaGP #GigiHadid #WrestleMania #LoveIsBlind #LoveCouldBe

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

Worst part of unpacking from a trip is finding room for all the stolen hotel stuff. #earthquake #WhereDoYouGetYourLinenFrom #ICallMyDecoratingStyleHotel66 #bachelor #IHaveSoManyBiblesToSellOnFacebookMarketplace #YouTooCanGetRichFlippingPillowcases #LikeCrazy #LikeCrazy_Is_Coming

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

Bowling a 300 or getting a hole in one isn't that great of an accomplishment if children, people over 80 and the legally blind can do it. #AttackOnTitan #ifLiterallyAnyoneCanDoIt #itsNotThatMuchOfAnAccomplishment #McDonalds #DoubleEagle #DaylightSavingTime #fentanyl #ScottAdams

[MovieMaddness @maddnesspodcast]

The Oscars were filled with more feel
Good moments than Hoosiers and @lindstothek and I document everyone of them and also the stupid ones. #oscars #Moviemaddness #podcast #movies #broadcasting #Oscar
#shortround #Buffalocomedy

https://t.co/92kStnC4Mo

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I give people who weave in and out of traffic and cut me off several times the benefit of the doubt. There could be an emergency or they're in a rush for whatever reason. That goes away when we pull into McDonald's several seconds apart. #McDonalds #HugoWeaving #morningcommune #b

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

This is classic tragedy + time = comedy
#womenAreFunny #Italy #StudyAbroad #MaybeGetConvictedForACrime #CanIStillGetCollegeCreditWhileInJail #stabHer #JustMetHer

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

This day in history — somebody did or invented something great but received no credit and got screwed over because they were the wrong race or gender. #Oscars #history #layoffs #DaylightSavingTime #PiDay #huckleberry #fentanyl #BoycottWalgreens #BillsMafia #HogwartLegacy #AttackO

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

Why do automakers list cargo space in cubic feet, that doesn’t help me. I’m almost never going to be hauling cubes. Just tell me if it will fit the life size replica of Darth Vader or not. That’s my deciding factor if a vehicle has enough space. #Cuba #automobile #ice #bachelor

[MovieMaddness @maddnesspodcast]

This ep. we make our Oscar predictions which I predict will be around 90% accurate. @lindstothek and I watched most of the nominees so you wouldn’t have to. We also talk about scream 6. Spoiler alert, Jenna Ortega smiles. #DavidArquette #moviemaddness #pod
https://t.co/tx2ZLJ5hgC

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I’m experiencing spring forward lag. #NotAsFunAsJetLag #ImOkFallingBehind #equinox #DaylightSavingTime #IHaveNoSavings #BeItMoneyOrTime #bankingCollapse #whoKnewValleysHadBanks #DollyPartonSiliconValleyIsTheValleyICarAbout #Offensive #Jolene #Oscars2023 #bachelor #ClassifiedDocum

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

I could only last one day on Jeopardy (not because me dumb, me smart) because I only have one interesting story to tell. #Jeopardy #ILostOnJeopardy #IHaveBenefittedFromDoubleJeopardySeceralTimes #alexTrebek #bachelor #AlmostAsSmartAsKenJennings #mormonsKnowTrivia #BillsMafia #The

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

@gregoryconnors It’s what I like to call extra info

[jason pomietlasz @jpomietlasz]

It’s classic adding insult to injury that children can’t pick their parents or their abductors. #KidsHumor #KidsCantWin #ThoughtUpThisTweetInADaveAndBusters #DaveAndBustersOriginallyWasALawFirm #NobodyWantedLawAdviceFromBuster #DavesAGoodFriend #InternationalWomensDay #snow #bach