Jess

#girlmom 💕

[Jess @jrae8823]

I wish I could work at Esquire for the rest of my life and get paid with pineapple margaritas.

[Jess @jrae8823]

Wonder how much championship merch Zach is purchasing from @barstoolstore 🤔

[Jess @jrae8823]

@ZPruDo Go to bed. You have kids to take care of tomorrow.

[Jess @jrae8823]

@ZPruDo @BarstoolBigCat 😂😂😂

[Jess @jrae8823]

@kzelhart Omg, yes!

[Anna Fogel @AnnaFogel_]

Ladies, if he

- gets called “bud” by his mom
- has a scar that won’t heal
- loves line dancing
- talks in airplane analogies

that’s not your man. that’s Pete the pilot

#TheBachelor

[Jess @jrae8823]

@ZPruDo how was this 2 years ago? I thought it was like 3 months ago 🤔

[Jess @jrae8823]

Things Zach says to me....

"Don't ever take stuff from fucking Jehovah Witnesses again."

😐

[carl @CarlsBeef]

The only person who can manage this group of Cubs is someone who knows this group of Cubs and the only guy who knows this club that can manage it is David Ross. Final answer.

[Jess @jrae8823]

@NetflixLifee @ZPruDo

[James Holzhauer @James_Holzhauer]

Sure, I could stick around and play a game that pays me $150,000 per hour, but I'd really rather get toys thrown at my crotch for free

[Jess @jrae8823]

Also, I got unreasonably angry at Zach this morning (5:45am to be exact) because he wouldn’t clean the toilet right then and there.. These pregnancy hormones are playing games with me.. 😅🤷🏼‍♀️

[Jess @jrae8823]

Just laughed way too hard at this.. 😂

[DOM @DOM_Frederic]

what a dumb organization

[Chief @BarstoolChief]

“There’s no red flags... except he’s dating 2 other women and he’s a 28 year old virgin”

#TheBachelor

[Chief @BarstoolChief]

If Hannah G has sex with him at this point then she’s a fucking loser

[Jess @jrae8823]

I like to think I keep our house pretty darn clean 90% of the time.. And then I turn off the ceiling fans and all that positive thinking goes straight out the window..🥴

[Jess @jrae8823]

Sometimes I think to myself, “how am I possibly making it at this whole Mom thing”.. I just had to google the proper definition of “simmer”.... #adultingainteasy

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

The weekly iPhone screen time report is absolutely depressing.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

Catherine asked me if I wanted spaghetti or burgers tonight.

I said, “Send noods.”

She actually laughed. I’ll never forget this feeling.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

I was going to start my diet this week and then I realized sweater weather is upon us and I can put it off for another five or six months.

[Jess @jrae8823]

@ZPruDo you and Reese in a few years.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

Catherine came home at 10:30 and found me on the couch watching Seinfeld with Samuel. She says I failed.

[Jess @jrae8823]

I honestly can’t believe the Bears didn’t fuck that up..🤷🏼‍♀️