Jordan Lowder

135 pounds of skipped meals and sex appeals.
Also selling pictures of my cat in the dm's

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

The AUDACITY of my grandma to ask when I'm getting married.
Like girl haven't you seen I've been trying?

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

I miss my googe

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Guess I'm getting stitches today... Never cooking again

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

One year ago, today, I was bit by a llama. Still have not developed my llama-man powers

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Gotta at least live to see the next Spiderman film

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Mama said don't stare at the sun. It's Father's Day so we don't have to listen to her. @ABQKel happy father's day

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Hard to worry when both God and Pikachu are looking out for you

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Fuck. Got joji drunk instead

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Gotta stop getting Paramore drunk

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Depressing 11:11 wish today

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Apparently. Saying "guess I'll just slit my fucking wrists" is the wrong thing to say when the wing shack employee tells you they don't have spicy ranch.

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Gotta stop getting Paramore drunk

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Actually bought a motorcycle today. I'm gonna be fast as fuck boi

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Bro told me my dick's too phat to kill myself. Don't think I've ever felt this loved before

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

I should not be allowed to have a phone

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Why yes Mrs. Phlebotomist lady. I do have nice veins

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

No fucking way Chuck Norris died on my birthday

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

When the football game hits you harder than any of your parents' divorces

[Jordan Lowder @jslowder]

Never resonated with a penguin before, but there's a first time for everything