Jesse Stanchak

Made of hustle, built for endurance.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Y'all have never fought a goose and it shows.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Just put an em dash key on the keyboard already.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Takis are a perfect anti-business food, in the sense that you cannot do anything business-like while eating them. How are you going to do a presentation on synergy while your heads on fire, you’re covered in crumbs, and your fingers are dyed bright red like a little goblin?

[Jeremiah Johnson 🌐 @JeremiahDJohns]

The thing about Trump's obsession with the 'late, great Hannibal Lecter' - beyond the fact that it's a fictional character - beyond that he's a serial killer - is that Hannibal doesn't die in the books or movies! And Anthony Hopkins is still alive! wtf is he talking about.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

The idea of a sound bath being organized 800 years in the future is oddly comforting. @AlexandriaNow

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

@jaakkosarela I feel like I’m the wrong person to write this, but I would read the hell out of it.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Dreamed I was in a four person relationship. I and the other original member of the relationship decided to go back to being a couple.

The bulk of the dream was the other two people trying to decide (via reality show-style shenanigans) if they were going to stay together too.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

There’s no greater guilt than being fantastically annoyed when your phone rings and distracts you from your Very Important Work (which, let’s be honest, is a fart in the wind of history) only to find out it’s someone calling to tell you they love you unconditionally.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Being able to articulate exactly what I mean is such a huge part of my identity that asking me to rephrase something because you don’t understand is quietly the most devastating thing you can do to me.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

I wish there was a universal gesture for letting other dads know when they’re being great parents.

We don’t need to talk about it— those usually aren’t great moments for a conversation. I just want a way to say “You’re making it happen, Captain” without it being a whole thing.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

@Druluci6 @branassance But who will protect us from that mustache?

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

You know that trope where people who are high obsess over whether people around them can tell how high they are?

I have that, but for stress.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

I chaperoned my kid’s field trip, and when I showed up, all the other eight-year-olds looked SO disappointed. Then a kid yelled, “HE AIN’T NO DRACULA!”

She’d told them her dad and her (nonexistent) brother were both vampires. One of her friends called it “the greatest betrayal.”

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

@Druluci6 The Book of Ruth is the oldest story I know of that's just about normal people living a normal life. It's in the Bible but nothing supernatural happens. It's about a widow in a tight spot, and a daughter in law who loves her anyway.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

An ice cream truck has driving around my neighborhood for over an hour playing its song. It’s not on my street, but it’s nearby. The song sounds like it’s coming from every direction at once.

I want ice cream, or silence, or death. And at this point, I don't care which I get.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

@fs9 Love that! What have you got to lose?

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

If you were LEGALLY REQUIRED to have an emoji on your grave, what would you go with?

I gotta go with the goose.🪿

My theory is it’ll attract other geese who will viciously attack any grave robbers who come looking for the literal tens of dollars of treasure I’ll be buried with.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

Someone just told me to “enjoy the rest of the day on purpose!” But I’m a contrarian so they just made me deeply sad.

[Jesse Stanchak @jstanchak]

I welcome updates on your lore.

[respectful huff @alexqarbuckle]

[meeting up with friend I haven’t seen in years] bro!! Gimme a refresher on your lore