Jonathan Russell

Author, producer, inventor, engineer

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@NobodymrRobert @CreasonJana But you have to wipe both sides every time you pull it away or the next pass will put the residue paint on the wall.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

Oh C’mon,
You can come up with a tougher question than that!

[Mischief 🌿🌹🌿🌹🌿🌹🌿🌹🌿 @gracieback2]

What ?

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@gracieback2 @CreasonJana Oh C’mon,
You can come up with a tougher question than that!

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

You mean like O.J. Simpson?

[C-Reason🇺🇸 @CreasonJana]

James Talarico has taken the Democratic talking points and is running with them.

The Democrats believe that not only are Black people too stupid to get an ID to vote, but now he believes Black people would not be convicted of the crimes they commit if there were black jurors.

In my opinion … The pandering and racism from @TheDemocrats @DNC @DemSocialists knows no boundaries. And people, like those on @breakfastclubam, fall for this crap. They don’t realize that the democrats’Big Tent’ is just pushing them into a corner for which there is no escape.

Video from @ScottJenningsKY

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@CreasonJana You mean like O.J. Simpson?

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

Please, Please, Please do one of these about the HR Dept.

[Paul Copplestone - e/postgres @kiwicopple]

who made this masterpiece ?

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

“Thank you for everything you are and everything you do❤️”

[Elma @oelma__]

What do you say?

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@oelma__ “Thank you for everything you are and everything you do❤️”

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@EnesFreedom @WNBA Make them go ‘woman to woman’ coverage with the current “ gender identity” players.
No zones, one on one.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

Make them go ‘woman to woman’ coverage with the current “ gender identity” players.
No zones, one on one.

[Enes Kanter FREEDOM @EnesFreedom]

Now, listen to me very carefully!

So far, I’ve spoken with:

2 Former NBA players
3 G-League players
3 European players

They have all said that if the @WNBA doesn’t change the rules, they’re ready to join the movement and are considering coming out as women and putting their names in the 2027 #WNBA Draft.

Hear me out;

The @NBA G- League pays players $45,000 a year, while the #WNBA top players earn $1.4 Million.
Those “men” could earn an extra $1,355,000 a year by just identifying as women.

Rules are rules.

#LetFreedomPlay

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

None of it is live.
Prerecorded tracks with auto tune on the vocals.
You’re paying $300 per seat to watch a puppet show.

[Catturd ™ @catturd2]

He’s 77.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@catturd2 None of it is live.
Prerecorded tracks with auto tune on the vocals.
You’re paying $300 per seat to watch a puppet show.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

I would do the same for my daughter, but we're not doing their husbands any favors.

[Gitmo (Health is a Wealth) 🇺🇸🇮🇱 @Gitmo99]

This young girl loves her daddy's car more than anything in the world. Look how excited she is when she gets her first car. Do you remember your first car?

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@Gitmo99 I would do the same for my daughter, but we're not doing their husbands any favors.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

Man, did they get a bargain with Joe Cocker or what??! One of the greatest performances in rock history.

[PunkAndNewWave @NewWaveAndPunk]

Woodstock booking fees:

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@NewWaveAndPunk Man, did they get a bargain with Joe Cocker or what??! One of the greatest performances in rock history.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

The only thing that is "settled" is the reasoning capacity of America's intellectuals.
Probably drained out when they were sucking up to Wall Street.
Now tell us all about your digital "data"!

[Sama Hoole @SamaHoole]

If you had trusted the settled science of the day, here is how it would have gone.

1890s: you dose the baby with Bayer's new cough syrup, the non-addictive alternative to morphine, marketed for children. It was heroin. They named it after the German for heroic.

1900s: you rub calomel teething powder on your infant's gums. It is a mercury compound, and it leaves a generation with pink disease. Swollen, peeling hands and feet, screaming for months, and some of them died.

1910s: you cook in Crisco, launched by a soap and candle company, because cottonseed oil is modern and lard is what your mother used. The process that made it solid produced trans fat, banned outright a century later.

1920s: you drink Radithor, certified radioactive water, on prescription. Eben Byers took fourteen hundred bottles for his vitality. His jaw was removed in pieces and he was buried in a lead coffin.

1930s: a chemist dissolves a new sulfa drug in diethylene glycol, which is antifreeze. It kills 107 people, mostly children, and only then does America give the FDA power to demand safety testing.

1940s: your doctor lights a Camel in the surgery. More doctors smoke them than any other brand, and the advert runs in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which sold him the page.

1950s: DDT is sprayed over your kitchen, your garden and your children at school. The man who found its insecticidal properties has already been given a Nobel Prize.

1960s: your wife takes thalidomide for morning sickness because it is remarkably safe. More than ten thousand children are born with missing and shortened limbs.

1970s: the country puts down the butter and picks up the margarine, on the instruction of the American Heart Association. The fat everybody switched to was banned in 2015 as unsafe at any level.

1980s: the fat comes out of everything and sugar goes back in to make it edible. Obesity begins a climb it has never come off.

1990s: your father is prescribed OxyContin, because fewer than one per cent get addicted. The company later pleads guilty to criminal misbranding, and the overdose count runs into hundreds of thousands.

2000s: you take Vioxx for your knee. It is pulled in 2004, and the FDA's own safety officer estimates tens of thousands of excess heart attacks.

Not one of those was fringe. Every one had a professional body, a literature and a man in a white coat standing behind it.

Nobody who followed that advice was stupid. They were obedient, to the most qualified people available.

Settled is a word about money. It means the questions stopped being funded, so they stopped being asked.

So which of today's instructions will your grandchildren read out in disbelief.

The oil washed in hexane and built into every cell you own. The statin that blocks the pathway making your hormones, to prevent one heart attack per hundred people. The injection where a third of the loss is muscle. The infant formula built out of vegetable oil.

All settled. None of it funded to be otherwise.

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

This is wonderfully humorous and accurate!

[Stephen R. C. Hicks @SRCHicks]

Classic men-and-women humor from Dave Barry:

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward … I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: … so that means it was … let’s see … February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means … lemme check the odometer … Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed—even before I sensed it—that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings: He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s eighty-seven degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieving cretin bastards six hundred dollars.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a ninety-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their …

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud. “What?” says Roger, startled. “Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have … Oh God, I feel so …” (She breaks down, sobbing.) “What?” says Roger. “I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Roger.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you,” Elaine says.

“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that … It’s that I … I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a fifteen-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) “Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Roger. “That way about time,” says Elaine. “Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.

At last she speaks.) “Thank you, Roger,” she says. “Thank you,” says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

(This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

@SRCHicks This is wonderfully humorous and accurate!

[Jonathan Russell @jthomasrussell]

Then why aren’t they playing?

[Growing Up Retro @GrowingUpRetro]

Now this is music.