Julia Joyce

interests: cats and bitching

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

On Black Friday I had a man ask me if ties were one size fits all, inquiring for the wacky Christmas tie he had in his hands

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

The audacity of my property management company emailing me rent reminders but zero indication that they got my maintenance requests...

[My Favorite Murder Out of Context @myfavmurderooc]

what do you do, do you like mostly march or...?

i take a nap. because... there’s no way to be positive when you’re conscious.

[Gareth Reynolds @reynoldsgareth]

All you can eat pancakes is still roughly 4 pancakes. Not a deal.

[My Favorite Murder Out of Context @myfavmurderooc]

it’s none of my business how i feel

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

I know I have a cat that can walk whenever/wherever he wants, but every night I wish I had clap-on lights to make sure his soft footsteps are not, in fact, those of a murderer.

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

Listen no one tell my doctor but I feel like after 3 beers and 2mg lunesta I should be passed the fuck out yet HERE👏🏻WE👏🏻ARE👏🏻

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

I refuse to turn the thermostat past 63 degrees. My energy bill stays low and my cat will snuggle up with me. Win win.

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

@Home_Halfway

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

Guys there’s other patterns

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

At a cool bar in Wilmington and 3 dudes in their late 30s wearing plaid are arguing over jukebox selections and I want to kms

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

I’d say 75% of the all male clientele are in plaid

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

Coffee is useless at this point I need some uppers

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

I wish I had a therapist that I could talk to only when I’ve taken my max dose of lunesta and it hasn’t put me to sleep cause I get all sorts of introspective thoughts about my problematic behavior as a teen

[Julia Joyce @juliaa_anne]

Change your hair color, lose some weight, and never get recognized in your hometown: the Julia Joyce Method

[Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson]

*pulls the 2019 instruction manual out of the box*

Well, we won’t be needing this.

*throws away* *multiple warnings about reading the instructions first fall out*