Julia Bensfield

There were babies in my stomach and now they're in my house.

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

I am The Sun and I Don’t Understand Why Everyone Is Freaking Out Over Seeing the Moon’s Butt for… https://t.co/uBx7HQPWPw

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"As we always say in the Boomer iPhone community, the more you try to diminish me, the brighter my flashlight will accidentally shine."
https://t.co/UmoX1fbjZW

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

11. Maybe they're seeing'... somethin' we don't?

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

1. People are talkin’

2. Talkin’ ’bout PEOPLE

3. I hear ’em whisperin’
https://t.co/g7YOqxYG2a

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

@mariskreizman I am Martha’s dinner that she’ll take in her room.

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

The person that wrote those “Coexist” bumper stickers has really shitty handwriting

[Guy Branum @guybranum]

Today I publish a book I really love with a foreword by @mindykaling and full of the stories and ideas that make me happiest. Please consider purchasing it.
Amazon: https://t.co/KA27SeZ0uk
IndieBound: https://t.co/y4TkKYoq9O
BAM!: https://t.co/puth7fqpbd

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

@jessicastickles Self Care on Elm Street

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Happy F Day!!! Jkjkjk. Happy Father’s D!

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Roy Moorbison seems like a missed Halloween costume opportunity.

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Brown sugar is ok bc it's whole wheat

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

I'm Terry Air and this is "Fresh Gross."

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Sleep now! You can drink coffee when you're dead!

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Free comeback for preg women when asked "do you know the sex?": "Oh...[wink] I know-a the sex... [wink again]"

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

So far the only Xmas tradition I've started with my young kids is "lay on couch with eggnog carton and yell at dog."

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Today on #CookingJeffrey https://t.co/IOgFGcFv5h

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

Cancun Sauce is just vomit that's been emptied out of a snorkel, right? https://t.co/grXBeD6yo5

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

I just published “How To Change a Toddler’s Diaper: A Story Told in WWE GIFs” https://t.co/7OZ0AeB6QP

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

I just published “What To Give a Friend Who Just Had a Baby” https://t.co/cy0uCBMdqD

[Julia Bensfield @Juliabirrd]

I just published “Morning Sickness Sucks” https://t.co/u94Ca0lJaU

[Alexandra Petri @petridishes]

finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man's bad ideas about the field she spent her life in