i had a dream the other night that oregon started their very own version of SNL that i was a part of and i got 3 sketches on our first show, and the sketches names were: “cat goes bowling,” “cat can’t read,” and “dog goes bowling”
United employees forced a 25 year old woman to return to her seat next to a man who was masturbating because the flight was full. After landing, the airline told the woman it was her responsibility to contact police and gave her a $100 travel credit.
https://t.co/7BCpa3hX10
Italy’s insane bc every restaurant serves the best pasta and pizza for every meal, literally my favorite foods, but it’s actually over 100 degrees and all I want is a cold sandwich
As a family law attorney, it does break my heart a little every time a client has kids with their partner and realizes that the only monetary support they can get from their ex is child support even if they were functionally a stay-at-home spouse and parent in the relationship
We’ve got so many people out there going through multiple functional divorces before 35 and say they “dodged a bullet” by not getting actually married. Ma’am, the bullets are lodged in your ribs.
Waiter: Have you all visited us before?
Customer 1: I have
Customer 2: I haven't
Waiter: Well, welcome in and welcome back. Are specials are here, and drinks are on the back of the menu.
Griffin went to talk to them and they were literally just like “oh sorry my daughter must have left the gate open” like DAWG I walk this alley every day bc the city took away our parking for a bike lane and now I have to look over my shoulder every time???? Ridiculous
was walking from my parked car to my house today and these two mean ass dogs got out of their fenced yard somehow and started chasing me. I stood my ground and yelled but I couldn’t move forward at all because I was going to be crossing a busy street. So fucking scary
They didn’t attack thankfully, just stood there & barked while I yelled at them waiting for the road to clear up, but I was there for like 1-2 minutes yelling and no one came out to help. I was literally going to change to go the gym but now I’m just sitting on the couch shaking