phat 🫃🏻

[t. @taeseru]

they take you out back and shoot you when you’re an emotionally detached woman with charisma

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

that was a teachable moment but i have a learning disability

[Cuck Liddell @c0ck_l3snar]

can anyone cover my shift I have to fart

[Mira Gonzalez @miragonz]

my dad put a beer in my lunch on april fools day in 4th grade

[Nick Volpe @nvolpewild]

The world lost 12m ha of rainforest recently with your help, maybe you could help US with that Nestle?

[tiramisudestroyer @blueslimeeat3r]

if protein is meant for me, it will find me. no matter what i eat.

[Joe @JoePostingg]

ICE in airports sounds great, I often find myself wishing someone would shoot me in the head when I'm waiting in line at security.

[miss information @intelligentpawg]

mind if a white girl watches al jazeera

[rosie @rosiegotlost]

do i really have to jack off all of the trades

[miri @mishtimere]

I am not going to be a cocomelon parent. You will sit your ass down and watch aljazeera

[phat 🫃🏻 @junkyfunk69]

@flugenhof @TheYoungTurks

[Audrey Kaufman @KaufmanAudrey]

This would work on me

[phat 🫃🏻 @junkyfunk69]

@texasrunnerDFW https://t.co/m5KGx8gaXg stop being a moron and keep up with the news

[hannah @newermess]

I live life like a lost hiker who suggests cannibalism too soon

[hannah @crankhart]

Everyone who hates me just so happens to be retarded as well

[pris @pwiscila]

It doesn’t matter where I go. I cannot escape being Spiritually Californian

[dinosaur @dinosaurs1969]

imagine meeting lebron and asking him to sign this

[krill @anthraxp1mp]

Signing my divorce papers with a 9 foot pencil

[fishnets @stonedinurattic]

i now pronounce you bitch and loser

[Chris @citehchris]

sorry can’t stay out late tonight got a long day of replying “would” to everyone’s father day pictures tomorrow